


The Monster Within

by Heldback



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, BDSM, Crimes & Criminals, F/F, Multi, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:06:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25550296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heldback/pseuds/Heldback
Summary: When F.B.I. Agent Clarke Griffin is put on a new assignment, she finds out its a lot more than she bargained for. Can Clarke survive what turns out to be a Hell of a case? Or will the ghosts of her past and future put her six feet under?ClarkexLexa, hardcore BDSM warning, light Bellarke. Drug use, language, violence. Mature audiences only.Crime, Supernatural. Crossposted.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Finn Collins, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 16
Kudos: 108





	1. we are all masters now

The Monster Within

1: [we are all masters now]

Clarke Griffin winced as she pulled her once white t-shirt off, letting it fall onto the bathroom floor. Resting her head against the wall in front of her she fumbled with an outstretched arm until her fingertips grazed the shower faucet. She turned it on as high as it would go, then sank down to the tile. As hot steam filled the room she unbuttoned her jeans, but kept her forehead pressed firmly to the plaster. It was sometime past midnight and the tequila had turned into fatigue, but despite her body's weight her mind still ran at a manic clip.   
Yanking her badge and holster from her waistband Clarke flinched at the clatter of them hitting the ground. The sound was enough to jar her back to life. Peeling herself off the wall she tried to ignore the stickiness, telling herself could always clean it up tomorrow. Standing up slowly, she stepped out of her pants, then took a deep breath before stripping down completely. Her wrist was still swollen, her ribs still badly bruised, but Charlotte was safe, and that was all that mattered. Shaking her head to clear it of the little girl's terrified face she stepped right into the spray. Every cut and scrape on her body caught fire, the pain pulsing in time with her heartbeat. Gasping, she gritted her teeth.   
"Motherfucker." She whispered out loud.   
It took a few minutes for her to work up the nerve, but eventually she got her head under the water. As she clutched at the shower curtain streams of red and muddy brown cascaded, swirling together down the drain. She stared until it ran clear, then pulled herself together and finished up with shaking hands. Not bothering with clothes she wrapped herself in a towel, then collapsed on the couch. Turning the TV on she melted into the leather, wet hair and all.   
A late, late show was on, and the laughter of the audience rang hollow in her ears. She set the volume to barely there, then closed her eyes. Behind them all was darkness for a moment, and Clarke almost believed she could drop off this time.   
It wasn't long before Charlotte's kidnapper bubbled back up to the surface, an effigy of rage and sickness. 

Eugene Murphy, 22 years of age, white male, severe attachment disorder.   
"Shut. Up." Clarke tried to get herself to stop. The case was over. He was in custody, and Charlotte was safe from his razor sharp glare.  
Exhaling, Clarke eased up into a sitting position. Biting her lip she picked up a little orange bottle balanced on the edge of the coffee table. She shook a few pills out of it and swallowed them dry. Eventually, she slid back into the couch cushions.  
"Who the fuck are you?! You stupid bitch!" Clarke felt Murphy's boot in her stomach again, and again, and then she felt nothing.

\------/------/------/------/------/------

"Agent Griffin," There was a thud as Bellamy Blake slammed a large coffee onto her desk. She woke with a start, her paperwork fluttering violently.  
"Oh my God, thank you." Clarke replied when she came to her senses.   
"Meeting with the Chief in 20 minutes. Come on."   
Getting to her feet she followed Agent Blake out through the back of the building to the designated smoking area. He lit two cigarettes at once, and then passed one over to Clarke, who begrudgingly took it.   
"Thanks...again." She took a long haul, then chased the remaining smoke with huge gulps of coffee.   
"What's this about? We already did the press conference." Clarke pointed out.  
"...seriously doubt it's got anything to do with the Murphy case. Unless we got some more commendations coming our way." Agent Bellamy let loose a rare smile.   
"I hope it's some R&R." She replied, her hand flying up to the now healing cut on her head.   
"Somehow, I doubt that too."   
Clarke sighed, polishing off the rest of her coffee.   
"I just hope it's not another kid. Not for a little while..." Her voice trailed off.   
"You'll be alright Griffin. You're tough. Unlike the rest of these assholes." He jerked a thumb in the direction of headquarters and Clarke shook her head, putting out her cigarette.   
"Don't let me have another one of those." She demanded as they strolled back into work, and then made the journey up to the Chief's office.  
The Arizona sun blazed through the windows as they entered the space, and they both blinked into it until Chief Raymond Harris appeared. Strolling in, he shut the door and drew the blinds before taking his place behind the desk.   
"Have a seat." He ordered. Griffin and Bellamy obeyed, game-face's immediately on.   
"I'll cut right to the chase. There was a body found last night in Lake Washington."   
Agent Bellamy looked at Griffin, then back to their commander.   
"...not exactly F.B.I. material..." He quipped and the Chief gave him an icy stare in return.   
"The body bore very distinctive marks. Characteristics it shares with three other bodies that have been found in the last few years."   
"So we've got a serial killer." Griffin leaned forward, adrenaline rushing into her system.   
"...it looks that way. All four victims either worked for, were members of, or lived within the vicinity of the same country club."   
"I guess we're going under cover." Blake brought his hands together, his gaze as close to excited as it ever got.  
"This isn't an ordinary operation Agent Bellamy." The Chief's tone cut through, and both Agents fell silent.   
"It'll be on a need to know basis only, even for you two. The club that you'll be infiltrating is extremely exclusive. Billionaires, millionaires, you name it, they're there. Politicians from all throughout the whole pacific northwest. Big wigs, you understand? Whatever you do, you cannot break your cover. Is that understood?"   
"Yes sir." Griffin sat up straight.   
"We need as much intel as you can gather, without fucking it up. These guys have got local law enforcement in their camp. You can trust no one."   
"...well, what do we need to know?" Blake asked.   
"You'll be living as a newlywed couple. You're relocating to the pacific coast from Miami in order to start a family. You got sick of the party lifestyle, but you still want a piece of the action." The Chief paused. "That's all you need to know for now. Get to the conference room for gear and a briefing with Agent Jordan."  
"Yes sir." Griffin jumped up, riding the one high she'd couldn't build a tolerance to.  
"I'm putting my trust in you both. Keep up the good work."   
As they left the Chief's office they struck up a natural conversation, trying to appear nonchalant to the rest of their fellow agents. They couldn't help glancing at each other though as they strode into the conference room and the security protocols whizzed to life. The heavy metal door locked behind them as the windows dimmed. Agent Jordan manned the conference table, a mountain of paperwork boxing him in. In the corner another figure stood, his arms folded and a scowl on his face.   
"What are you doing here Chris? This mission is classified. Or do you get a free pass because Daddy's the Chief?" Agent Bellamy sneered and the man in question didn't move, though his jaw twitched.  
"I'm not here for you Blake." He replied and Agent Jordan rolled his eyes.   
"Everyone chill out. You two, over here."He said and Clarke and Blake took a seat, each diving into the stack of information in front of them."   
"New I.D.'s, passports-" Agent Jordan started and Blake cut him off.   
"Looks like we're well traveled." Blake's brow furrowed as he took a look at his new likeness. Clean shaven, a neat haircut. He tried not to groan.   
"You'll be going as Ethan and Caroline Forrester. We're placing you in a residence in Rockland, Washington. Average median household income for the area is one million dollars-"  
"So, we need to act like rich people," Blake tossed his new I.D. onto the table. "Should be easy for you Agent Griffin." He managed to keep the bitterness to a minimum as he regarded her.  
Clarke kept her mouth shut, knowing her partners history.   
"You're a good actor Agent Bellamy, you should be fine." Deputy Harris bit out and Blake smirked.   
"I mean, as a man, I prefer not to have a silver spoon jammed in my ass but it seems to be working well for you isn't it?" Blake replied.   
"Pay attention to the mission guys. You're shipping out tomorrow." Agent Jordan threw his hands up, exasperated.   
"What are our objectives?" Griffin jumped in.  
"For now, just get to Rockland and get set up. I don't have any more information for you, but your contact in Washington is Raven Reyes, she'll be able to tell you more." Agent Jordan handed them their plane tickets and Blake whistled.  
"First class, here we go."   
Agent Jordan passed them the rest of their dossier and rose from the table.  
"Alright, I've actually got work to do so we need to wrap this up." He announced.   
"Wait a second Perry, I'll need a word with Agent Bellamy before he goes." Deputy Harris strode forward as Griffin sighed.  
"Meet you back at the office." She squeezed Blake's shoulder, then headed back to their stomping grounds.   
"Nepotism at its fucking finest." Blake muttered as he dropped into a chair at his desk after the private meeting, throwing an unsuspecting pen.  
"He's just looking out for us, that's his job." Griffin replied, looking up from her folder.   
"Yeah well, I'd rather take orders from someone who earned their position."   
"What'd he say?" Griffin put her folder down, reaching up to rub her head again. Blake raised an eyebrow.   
"You alright?"   
"Yeah, I'm fine." She brushed him off, her heart jumping into her throat as Eugene Murphy's face morphed into her partners.   
"...he just told me to keep an eye on you. So far two of the vics have been blond females, right around your age. You don't enter the club without me and you don't leave without me, got it?"   
Clarke shook herself mentally, trying to get it together.   
"I'll be a good wife. I always am." She replied with a small smile that Blake returned before diving into memorizing his own new life story. 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

Sweat dripped down Clarke's face as she and Blake sat in a stifling town car a few days later, waiting to move forward just a few inches. Traffic was bumper to bumper, and though she was decked out in expensive clothes she didn't feel anything close to glamorous.   
"Are you sure the A/C doesn't go any higher?" Blake snapped at the driver, loosening his collar.   
"Sorry sir." The older gentleman replied and Bellamy just grunted.   
"At least your hair isn't in your face anymore...honey." Clarke patted his arm, enjoying the feral expression on his face. He could be cocksure, and sometimes downright reckless, but there was no one else she'd rather work with.   
"It'll be cooler where we're going." She reassured him and he nodded curtly. Agent Bellamy remained silent as they went through their rounds, and only exhaled when he fell into a first class seat. Leaning back he gazed toward the sky.   
"Now this, I could get used to." He said and Clarke shot him a look.  
"Really Ethan? Whatever happened to earning your way?"   
"Well, Caroline, I think I've worked pretty hard for what I've got."   
"Riiight. Uh huh." Clarke gave him a thumbs up and then settled into her own seat. She'd yet to get used to her clean and manicured hands, and they were unsettling as she rested them on her thighs. A diamond bracelet wrapped around her wrist, encircling her with status, and the ridiculous engagement ring her beloved Ethan had given her shone. She recited her story in her head over and over, trying to take on the spoiled existence of a princess, but the ghosts of Clarke Griffin hovered in the background, black shadows pressing in on a thin, gilded defense.   
She felt a pang, the yearning for peace that threatened to destroy her from time to time. The orange bottle was in her checked luggage, and she wouldn’t dare with her partner around, but Clarke thought it would've been nice to be able to sleep on the plane. Blake dropped off quickly, and Clarke settled for watching him and being jealous of the smooth rising and falling of his chest.   
A few hours later they swayed in the much gentler sunlight of the pacific west coast, posted up in the driveway of 72 Woodward Drive.  
A sedan and an SUV sat placidly in front of the garage, and the trees waved like lazy concert-goers overhead.   
"...shall we?" Agent Bellamy held out an arm. Clarke took it, along with a deep breath, and they trooped inside with their luggage.   
"Home sweet home." Clarke declared quietly, taking in the high end furnishings.   
"It's like a fucking catalogue." Blake's mouth fell slightly open, his eyes wide.   
"I can't wait to take a fucking shower." He continued, dropping his stuff and gunning it up the stairs. Clarke laughed and shook her head, retrieving their contact info. She was almost afraid to touch anything as she pulled out her cellphone.  
"Hey you've reached Tech Junkies, how can I help you?"   
"Hi, I'm looking for Raven."   
"Can I ask who's speaking?"   
"Caroline Forrester."   
"Gimme one second," There was a click as she went on hold and Clarke moved over to the French doors, peeking into the backyard.   
"Hello?" A mellow voice floated through the line.   
"Hi, Raven?"   
"Yup, that's me."   
"It's Caroline."  
"Oh yeah what's up? How was your flight?"   
"Great." Clarke tried to put a smile in her voice, but her cheeks were tense.   
"Cool, cool. If you wanna bring that computer down tomorrow around 10am I can take a look at it for you. We can guarantee all your important information stays safe." She replied pointedly.   
"Thank you, we'll see you then." Clarke hung up, then got to the business of unpacking. 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

  
"Do I look douchey enough?" Blake walked into the kitchen and spun around.  
"Always." Clarke replied, swinging a glittery purse over her shoulder.   
"Is that any way to talk to your husband?"   
"Obviously I'm the one in charge here." Grabbing the car keys she dragged him towards the door.   
"Uh uh." She wagged a finger at him as he tried the driver’s side door of the SUV.   
"...you always get to have all the fun." He grumbled but took shotgun anyway. 

Tech Junkies turned out to be a pretty nice storefront in the town center, and Clarke was immediately struck by the rustic quality of Rockland. Beamer's and Benz's abounded, but they were parked in front of little coffee shops and florists. The inside of the electronics repair shop rocked the same aesthetic, and Clarke felt at ease as a galaxy haired girl led them over to Raven's office. It was a good way to start an undercover gig.   
"Hey guys." Raven Reyes slid over to them in a computer chair, wearing a basic red hoodie and a pair of raggedy jeans.   
"Thanks Margeaux." She tossed out after her employee as she shut the door.   
"So, about that information." Clarke went right to work.   
"Yeah I've got a couple things for you guys, hold on." Rolling back over to her desk she picked up two tablets and handed them to the agents.   
"These are encrypted, got the best of the best security measures." Raven announced proudly, only to be met with a scowl from Agent Blake.   
“...and what do we do with these?" He barked. Surreptitiously Clarke hit him in the leg and his jaw tightened.   
"The club you're going to is called The Sign of the Lion. Been in business over a hundred years, and nearly impossible to get into. Here." She handed Clarke an envelope. "This is a recommendation letter. It turns out fixing MacBooks for rich kids earns you a lot of money, and with a lot of money, you can buy just about anything."  
Blake dropped the bad cop routine, his face taking on a curious expression.   
"On those tablets you'll find the blueprints to the club, the floor plan you know? There's a list of events that are planned for this year, AND all the events that have been held there in the past three years. You can check out former members of the club too, but unfortunately I wasn't able to compile a list of current members. It's well guarded, to say the least. There's some other info in there you'll find useful as well, make sure you take a look at them."   
"Are our objectives on here as well?" Clarke held up the tablet and Raven shook her head.   
"Negative. Your only objective at this point is to make it in to the club. We've tried to wiggle our way in before but...it just didn't work out."   
"Do they do background checks? Hire private investigators? How are they sniffing people out?" Clarke asked. Raven shrugged, adjusting the giant headphones she had around her neck.   
"I have no idea, so good luck guys. Oh, and if you don't make it in please come back, I'll need those tablets."   
"Right then. We'll be in contact." Blake stood and Clarke followed suit.   
"Thanks for choosing Tech Junkies!" Raven called out as they left, waving from the chair that might or might not have been permanently attached to her.   
"Wanna get drunk and read through all this shit?" Blake suggested as they got back into the car.  
"Sure, let's stop at the Wine Cellar. It was at the top of the street."   
"Fuck, yeah." Blake put his shades on and turned the radio up. 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

The Sign of the Lion looked as medieval as it sounded. A looming structure made of stone, it sprawled across acres of perfectly manicured grounds. Clarke half expected to see a moat as they rolled up to the front gate. Flanked by two obsidian lions rearing up on their hind legs, the wrought iron fence in front of them reached for the sky.   
Hanging out the window Agent Bellamy took a look around, and as he was observing the gates swung open with a loud groan.   
Clarke didn't hesitate, driving right past them and onto the infinite driveway. It snaked off into several routes, but Clarke made right for the front of the building. Pulling into a parking spot she cut the engine and took a deep breath.   
"...you ready?" Blake asked.   
"Yes." She replied  
"Let's go." Exiting the car he opened the door and together they ascended the front steps. A posh waiting room greeted them with a huge glass desk, manned by several runway types. Holding the letter from Raven, Clarke strolled up to one, wondering just how much duck face would be enough.   
"Hi, my husband and I were interested in getting a membership here." She said in a low voice as Blake leaned against the counter, flashing the girl, who’s name tag read “Samantha”, a crooked smile that usually worked like a charm for him.   
"Oh, well thank you for your interest in us but we're not taking any new memberships at the moment." The girl replied. She looked apologetic, but her voice was firm.   
"We actually have a letter of recommendation from a friend of ours. We just moved out here and we're looking to have a little fun." Clarke slipped her the note and the girls lips pursed as she perused the contents. After a few minutes she gave it back to Clarke.   
"Ms. Reyes is a great supporter of ours, however our policy is that prospective members need to be sponsored by another club member. We currently only have two members with open sponsorship slots."   
"Perfect, there's two of us." Blake slid his arm around Clarke's shoulders and grinned.   
"Unfortunately Ms. Woods and Mr. Collins are both very particular about who they'll sponsor. They can be very demanding."   
"Well, we aim to please." Clarke gave the girl a wink but she didn't budge.   
"If you guys want to try out you can, but I don't recommend it."   
Blake raised an eyebrow.   
"Try out? For what?" He asked, his usual personality returning.   
"Like I said, they're very picky. They may ask you to do some things you're not exactly comfortable with. If you guys are looking for some fun you might want to try the Yacht Club down the road, they're very welcoming." Samantha folded her hands together, giving them a pointed look.   
"We're really interested in this club in particular." Clarke retorted, pulling an Amex black card from the depths of her purse. The girl glanced at it, then back at them, and sighed. In a huff she walked away from the desk, returning with two clipboards.   
"I'll need you to fill out these release forms before you can enter the club."  
"Thank you." Blake snatched the clip boards and they retreated to one of the puffy leather sofas adorning the space.   
Clarke flipped through the pages quickly, taking stock of the contents, and it was then she realized that this was not going to be like any other mission they'd gone on before. A non-disclosure agreement and a medical release were part of the package. Suddenly Clarke started to have her doubts.   
"...should we...?" She whispered and Blake did a double take.   
"We can't abandon the mission." He replied once he'd recovered.   
Clarke bit her lip. Reservation was normally not her thing, not even in her line of work. Running into a warehouse full of cartel infantry didn't give her pause, but she had a strange feeling about this place.   
"Fill out the damn forms Caroline." Blake hissed and Clarke lowered her head, filling in the blanks at a rapid pace. She was going to have to get over it.   
Plastering a smile on her face she handed Samantha their paperwork and the girl glared at them, but didn't impede their progress anymore.   
"Ethan you'll be interviewing with Mr. Collins and Caroline you'll be with Ms. Woods. I'll have someone show you over-"  
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second. Is there any way we could flip that?" Blake asked, chuckling nervously, and Samantha smiled for the first time, tilting her head back in an innocent manner.  
"I'm afraid not. Ms. Woods only sponsors potential female members. But if you'd rather not go through with it I totally understand."   
Blake ran a hand through his hair, exhaling.   
"That's...fine. Thanks for all your help." He tried to be conciliatory but as usual it came out closer to condescending. Samantha ignored him and hit a button behind the desk, inspiring a small portion of it to come swinging forward, creating a half door.   
"Come with me." 

Swallowing her rising sense of fear Clarke obeyed, with Blake close behind her. They entered a narrow hallway. The wooden floors shone even in the darkness, and Clarke could make out a few old paintings hanging on the walls.   
Samantha led them up a spiral staircase, then stopped abruptly at the top of it. A burly young man was waiting for them there, dressed in form fitting black. Clarke snuck a glance over at Blake, who'd been washed purple by the light filtering in from a single stained glass window beside them.   
"There are just a few security protocols. I hope you don't mind." Samantha was the picture of apathy as the young man moved toward Clarke. Blake twitched but didn't move as he procured a blind fold and slipped it over her head. There was total darkness, and Clarke fought the instinct to run as a hand was placed in the small of her back, pushing her forward. She heard Blake's footsteps disappear, leaving her with just the booted thud of the hired muscle. There were a few twists and turns, and then she was led over a threshold. There was a gust of air and a groaning sound as what Clarke assumed was a rather heavy door was swung open.  
Her blindfold was removed, and she opened her eyes to meet a pair of striking green ones. Time stuttered to a stop.   
Clarke's breathing slowed, her heart beating languidly inside her chest. Like her drug of choice it softened all the edges, and blurred out all the lines. She was transfixed.  
"Thank you Declan." The woman said quietly to the young man who'd blindfolded Clarke. He bowed his head, then exited without a sound.   
Striding up to Clarke she searched her face, her expression neutral. Clarke had forgotten how to speak. She just stood there.   
Her observer was tall, and statuesque. Her features recalling a more classical period, far in antiquity. Surrounded by the equally beautiful vintage furniture of the office they stood in, it seemed to Clarke that they might've been in a whole other world.   
"Lexa Woods." The woman introduced herself curtly, an air of impatience about her. Her voice was surprisingly soft and musical, and Clarke struggled to get her own name off the tip of her tongue.   
"I'm Caroline...Forrester..." Her voice trailed off as Lexa's brows furrowed.   
"And why do you want to join the Sign of the Lion, Caroline?" Lexa folded her arms over her chest, looking Clarke up and down. The agent turned red, stammering out a response.   
"It was highly recommended, b-by a friend. We're new here."   
"We?"   
"My husband and I." Clarke tried to sound normal but her voice caught a little as Lexa's eyes flashed.   
"Becoming a probate is very challenging." Lexa replied.   
"...I aim to please." Clarke repeated her statement from earlier, forcing herself back into character.   
Lexa's full lips twitched, but her expression remained neutral.   
"It's not something you should take on lightly."   
Clarke tried to look thoughtful for a moment, then looked into Lexa's eyes.   
"I can handle it." She replied, determined to do her job and do it well. Many had tried and failed to graduate from her recruiting class, and even agents that had made the cut were now back to civilian life, unable to handle the rigors of the darker side of humanity. Whatever it was, Clarke was sure she could do it.   
Lexa took a step closer to her, and Clarke fought the copacetic wave that followed.   
She didn't have to fight for very long though, as it dissolved completely when Lexa took her face in her hands. Clarke sucked in a breath, her knees going weak.   
"You may audition, if you'd like." Lexa's voice was hypnotizing, and Clarke couldn't have refused if she wanted to.   
"I do." Clarke responded and Lexa let go of her, backing away. She folded her arms again and her eyes went cold.   
"Strip." She ordered. 

Clarke felt her lips part as her mouth fell open.   
Slightly panicked, it suddenly dawned on her that the security measures and endless release forms were probably for one very good reason. 

Steeling herself she pulled off her shirt, staring a hole into the floor as she took off the rest of her clothes. Vaguely, she wondered if Blake was somewhere doing the same thing.   
When she was as naked as the day she came she looked up, sure her cheeks were blazing. She'd been with a woman before, and a man, but that was it. Her work didn't leave her much time for other pursuits, and pleasure wasn't something she usually sought out. Clarke was much more inclined to pain.   
Lexa remained inscrutable as she took in the sight of a totally naked Clarke Griffin.   
"On your knees." She demanded and Clarke sank down into the plush carpet beneath her, unable to hold Lexa's gaze. Meanwhile Lexa walked over behind Clarke, leaning down to take the blonde's arms and fold them across her own back. When she was done she faced Clarke again and Clarke hung her head, breathing hard.  
Taking Clarke by the shoulders Lexa pushed her down further, until her bare ass made contact with her calves, and only then did she look satisfied.   
"When I tell you to sit, this is the position you will assume. Understood?"   
Clarke nodded, shaking slightly now.   
Lexa walked away from her to lean against the huge mahogany desk in the room, then beckoned her.   
"Come."  
Clarke's nails dug into her own arms as she considered her next move. It was definitely part of the test, and she was used to getting A's. Swallowing her pride she started forward on hands and knees. The air itself was a shock to her exposed skin, and she was threatened with paralysis every time she thought about what she was doing.   
Abigail Griffin's daughter would never suffer this position.   
But she wasn't Abby Griffin's daughter anymore, and she wouldn't be until this case was over.  
Arriving at the slick leather of Lexa's boots she clutched the carpet.  
Lexa lifted Clarke’s head up with her thumb and forefinger, leading her by the chin to her side. 

"Sit."   
Clarke obeyed, acutely aware of Lexa's body so close to hers. Lexa put her hand around the back of Clarke's neck, gripping hard as she forced Clarke to lay her head against her thigh.   
"Lean into me." Lexa instructed and Clarke closed her eyes as she did so.   
"This is how you will heel." Releasing Clarke's neck Lexa stroked her shoulders, running her fingertips across the perfect, unblemished planes.  
Unaccustomed to the contact, Clarke involuntarily moved away. Lexa took her by the neck again, and pushed her back onto her hands and knees.  
"Come." Lexa growled and Clarke felt it right in the pit of her stomach. She followed Lexa dutifully as the brunette walked around the room, speeding up and slowing down at her leisure. She made Clarke sit whenever it suited her, and after a few minutes Clarke was perspiring, her skin raw from the carpet. Lexa strode into the center of the room, then made her sit and heel. Clarke took the chance to catch her breath, her body buzzing. It seemed all of her blood was pumping into one area, and she hid her face against Lexa's trousers. It was a new feeling for Clarke, and her head started to swim from all the stimuli.  
"Stay." Lexa patted Clarke's head as she gave the command and Clarke made a tiny sound, feeling completely humiliated.   
Going to the desk Lexa picked up a small basket. It was filled with ribbons of different fabric, and she scattered them across the room, sneaking an occasional glance at Clarke.   
When the basket was empty Lexa took it with her to the arm chair in the corner, a perfect vantage point for her.   
"Come." Sitting down she called for Clarke, who tried not to whimper as she executed the command.   
When Clarke got to her Lexa reached out to stroke her face, then leaned back with a devilish expression.   
"Fetch."   
Clarke was frozen for a minute, held in place by the dazzling quality of Lexa's smile. 

"You may not use your hands." She added and Clarke stared her down, throbbing all over. Lexa's beauty was criminal. She couldn't look away.   
"I gave you a command." Lexa snapped, her smile disappearing in an instant, and Clarke found herself not wanting to disappoint her.   
The different textures teased Clarke's mouth as she retrieved them one by one. Lexa held the basket just slightly out of reach so Clarke had to rise to drop a ribbon in, giving her a full view of Clarke's naked form. She was enjoying this much more than she should have been.   
As Clarke placed the last ribbon Lexa couldn't stop herself from running her fingers across the sharp angles of Clarke's face.   
She put the basket down and pulled Clarke up gently. Clarke was grateful to land in Lexa's lap, her palms and knees burning.   
"Heel." Lexa's voice was languid as she slid her palm from Clarke's shoulder all the way down to her ankle. Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder and leaned into her. She felt herself fraying, her soul threatening to come exposed as she breathed Lexa in. Closing her eyes tightly she reminded herself of the mission, of Blake, and Chris, and the Chief, but she still felt cold as Lexa stood up, disengaging from her.   
"You can get dressed now." She announced, straightening her own clothes. Dazed, Clarke slowly got dressed. Her brain could no longer process much of anything and she simply stood there swaying. Lexa regarded her coolly.   
"You'll receive a phone call from the front office once I've made my decision. You're dismissed."   
"...okay." Clarke replied softly, then speed walked over to the door. Declan was waiting for her on the other side of it, and she ended up being thankful for the blindfold as it absorbed the tears that had built up in the corners of her eyes. As Clarke and Blake reunited they faked it as hard as they could until they left the club. After that both agents ran out of words to say. 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

tbc  
r&r’s welcome  
thanks for reading


	2. on eternity and its productions

The Monster Within

2: [on eternity and its productions]

A few days later Clarke lay in bed, alternating between staring at her phone and the ceiling. Blake sat on the couch in the seating area, chain smoking and watching American Dad.   
The twitch was back, and Clarke clutched her pillow tightly.   
So far no one from the agency had contacted them, but that was usually a good thing. Taking deep breaths Clarke rolled over and more fell out of bed than got out.   
"You're the picture of grace as always Agent Griffin." Blake declared as she stumbled over to him, still clad in her breakfast character themed pajama pants.   
"Shut up." She grumbled and he threw a cigarette at her, followed by a lighter that just bounced off her useless hands.   
"Thanks." Eventually she got her fingers to work and lit it, enjoying the dose of poison. "What is it with me and things that are bad for my health?" She mused aloud, sitting on the floor and staring out at the misty morning.   
"Yeah you're such a rebel." Blake rolled his eyes, right in the direction of his side of the room, which was already overflowing with joint papers and empty boxes of Marlboro's.   
"...are we going to talk about it?" She asked quietly, looking away.  
"Not until we get some solid intel." Blake's reply was short and Clarke sighed.   
He opened his mouth to continue but it was then that Clarke's phone rang, closely followed by Blake's. She grabbed hers and dashed out of the room.   
"Hello I'm looking for Caroline Forrester?" Clarke recognized Samantha's voice instantly.   
"Speaking." 

"Good morning. So Ms. Woods has decided-" There was a pause and Clarke wondered how her phone didn't shatter with the vice grip she had on it.   
"-that she will take you on as a probate. You and your husband can return when you have time and fill out the initial paperwork."   
"Okay, great. Does this afternoon work?" Clarke couldn't help the grin that spread across her face.  
"Sure. Have a good one." Samantha signed off and Clarke put her phone down, trembling slightly. Retrieving her tablet from the coffee table she ran back for their bedroom.   
"We're in." She announced and Blake looked at her.   
"Woop, woop." He replied, giving her a thumbs up, but his eyes were darker than normal.   
"Let's take another look at these, then we can head down there." Attempting to put the mission first she pulled up the files.   
"This is gunna be hell. Hopefully we catch the bastard quick." Bellamy got up, throwing a shirt and pants on while Clarke brushed up on the layout.   
An hour later they found themselves at the gates again, and Clarke swallowed hard. She told herself it was just paperwork, but then she couldn't tell if she was disappointed or happy about the fact. They sidled up to the front desk once they got in and Samantha was ready for them.   
"These are the entrance fees and these are the monthly dues." She drawled, handing them each a packet where ‘X’ marked the very expensive spots.   
"Whoa, alright." Blake replied, searching for his wallet.   
"Dues at the Yacht Club are much more reasonable, if you'd prefer something cheaper."   
"You're not gunna sell me on the Yacht Club Sam." Blake bit out, and she looked taken aback for a moment, then she got the glint in her eye that always appeared when women spent more than a few minutes with Clarke's partner.  
"My baby gets what she wants." He continued, putting his arm around Clarke.   
"Happy wife, happy life right?" He grinned and Samantha's eyes narrowed. 

"Of course. Will that be cash or credit?"   
Blake slid his card across the desk, making the face that always inspired Clarke to want to put a fist through it.   
"Thanks." He said.  
Sam handed them their clipboards and they went through the motions all over again. While they scribbled away Clarke took the chance to scope out the waiting room and the grounds, which stretched on beyond the huge bay windows. There were several other buildings on the property, which amounted to many possible murder sites.   
"Happy now Caroline?" Blake asked her pointedly and she smiled.   
"Thanks sweetheart." Clarke replied, placing a kiss on one of his hollow cheeks.  
"Don't thank me. I expect to be repaid for this, handsomely I might add." He waggled his eyebrows at her and a genuine grin came through.   
Finishing up their applications they brought them up and Samantha seemed a little warmer.   
"When would you guys like to schedule your weekly meetings with your sponsors?"   
Clarke and Blake exchanged a glance, and she spoke up.   
"Wednesday afternoon."   
"Okay, one second."   
Sam disappeared behind her laptop for a few clicks and returned with a smile.  
"You're all set."  
"Awesome, thank you." Clarke said, relieved at completing their objective without a problem.   
"You guys have a great night. Oh, and Caroline, when you’re here for your appointment Ms. Woods requests that you sit and wait patiently for her."   
"...okay." Clarke's reply was nearly a whisper, her eyes widening.

"Bye." Sam waved them off and Blake waited until they were in the car to turn on his partner. Words materialized in his throat but he couldn't push them out, and just settled for sulking.   
Clarke was busy trying to slow her pulse. She knew her reaction was not kosher, but Blake didn't say anything as she drove robotically to their usual spot.   
He opened back up again after a long swallow of the monthly craft beer at Howl at the Moon.   
"Wednesday night huh? Any particular reason why?"   
Clarke took a shot before answering. Sucking on a lime wedge she dropped it into the empty glass and signaled for another.   
“I'm assuming it won't be busy at the club. It's the middle of the week so we'll be just bored enough to be hyper-vigilant while we're there, then we get some time to get our shit back together before the next one." She said.   
Blake looked surprised.   
"That's actually...kind of amazing."   
"I have my strokes of brilliance." She pulled her second shot in close.   
"To your strokes." Blake winked as he lifted his glass.   
"Cheers." 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

"Fuck." Clarke woke up the next day with a dry mouth, a pounding head, and the clattering of Blake's ringtone going off. "Blake..." She swatted at his back, interrupting his snoring. "Your phone."  
He grunted and rolled over, but didn't wake up.   
"Urgh." Groaning, Clarke snatched it off the side table. As the blurry screen focused and the agency's number flashed she groaned even louder. 

"Bellamy! It's headquarters." She smacked him again and this time he shot up, taking the phone blindly.  
"Blake here."   
"Agent, how much agency money did you spend yesterday?" Chief Harris' voice was eerily calm.   
"Uhh, I'm not sure exactly...all business related." His voice was hoarse and just the tiniest bit shaky as he stitched together an answer.   
"You get me an expense report ASAP. I want everything highlighted and detailed. This isn't Quantico Agent Bellamy, our resources aren't endless."   
"Yes sir."   
"ASAP means now agent." The chief hung up on him and Blake flopped back onto the bed.  
"...alcohol's considered a work related expense right?" He covered his face with a pillow that Clarke immediately took away.   
"Somehow I don't think so."   
"Be a dear and send him over that report would you?" Blake put on his best death mask but Clarke knew better.  
"Not on your life. Get to work."  
After that the agents continued their strange code of silence about the investigation, even as Wednesday approached. They both studied up on their tablets, but they kept their conversations easy and empty.   
When the time came Clarke stared at herself in the floor length mirror. Blake was still in the shower, and she was free to think about Lexa. She'd tied her hair back a bit, leaving her face mostly bare. Her knees and hands tingled with the memory of their last meeting and her reflection blushed back at her. She didn't want to admit how much she wanted a dose of morphine, but she couldn't deny it either.   
"...ready to go?" Blake dragged her out of her reverie, shaved and dressed already.   
"Yes."   
This time Declan didn't blindfold her as they ascended the staircase and Clarke took in the landing. It was wide and sprawling like the rest of the mansion, with grand doors and antique decor.   
He led her to one and opened it, then closed it tightly behind her. Her heart leapt up into her throat and she tried to listen over its frantic thumping. Moving quietly she walked around the room, reading the titles of the books in their case and surveying the paintings on the walls. She shuffled over to the desk and searched for any visible paperwork, but there was none.  
A creak of the floor under her feet made her jump, and finally she walked over to an empty chair, layering her clothes on it.   
Going to the center of the room she sat to Lexa's standards, and waited.   
As the minutes ticked by her mind invariably went to Lexa. Clarke thought of how it might feel to run her hands along Lexa's strong, muscular legs while she lay obediently upon her thigh. Lexa's voice echoed in her head, ghostly and hot.  
Her stomach started to burn as she sat there, and the warmth traveled lower fast, picking up in intensity. Taking deep, measured breaths Clarke fought for control.   
Her hard work was ultimately for naught as Lexa walked in, wearing what was essentially just strips of leather. They didn't cover anything, and Lexa's form was a sight to behold.   
"Welcome back." Kneeling to Clarke's level Lexa stroked her sides, and Clarke's resolve disintegrated.   
"This is for you." Lexa produced a pink leather collar with a heart shaped medallion swinging from the front. Clarke made out the word "Princess" as the metal flashed. Lexa fastened it around Clarke's neck, and then held her face in one hand and trailed the other down the length of her body.   
"Where are your manners?" Lexa asked softly as she squeezed her sex, and Clarke gasped.   
"Thank you." She finally choked out, her entire being coming to a fierce focal point as Lexa rested her thumb against her clit.   
"Much better." Lexa abruptly let her go, standing back up. Attaching a thin leash to Clarke's collar Lexa gave it a good tug and the agent flinched. 

"Stay." Lexa pulled on it one more time as she gave the command. Clarke stayed put while her sponsor pulled the seat out from behind the desk, placing it square in front. From the drawers she retrieved a few items, and then placed them by the feet of the chair before sitting down.   
"Come." She ordered, and a stray beam of sunlight sliced across her face, illuminating her green eyes. Clarke crawled over, barely breathing.   
"My boots need to be shined, and I expect them to perfect." Lexa stated.   
Hesitantly, Clarke picked up the towel and shoe shine and began her work. Being so close to Lexa's skin was torturous as she brought the knee high boots to a shining polish. As she worked the top of one she pressed her lips to the side of Lexa's knee, and earned herself a light slap in the face for her efforts.   
"No." Lexa said firmly but Clarke hadn't had enough yet. She licked her masters thigh and Lexa sucked in a breath, grabbing the back of her head.   
"Finish your work, and then you'll be punished." Lexa slapped her again, with a little more force this time, and Clarke's cheek burned as she obeyed. The word "punish" rang in her ears, ruining her focus. It seemed impossible that her heart rate could climb even higher, that her body could buzz any harder, and yet she found herself in new territory as she looked into Lexa's eyes.   
Her hands fell, and she rested her reddened face on the bare skin of Lexa's inner thigh.   
Entranced, Lexa traced her cheek bones, then ran a finger over her lips. Clarke was no more then, her real life falling away completely as Lexa tangled her hands in the agents hair, tilting her head back.  
Clarke kissed the neatly trimmed triangle of brown hair that came towards her, and didn't hesitate.  
Lexa's muscles contracted as Clarke swallowed her up, sucking on her clit hungrily. She wanted to fuck her slaves face, to choke and punish her, but she was paralyzed by the clever strokes of Clarke's tongue. She watched her blonde haired, blue eyed, all-American girl eat her out, and it was almost too much for her to bear. She should've pulled away, and re-established control, but instead she came hard onto Clarke's angelic face.   
Mad at herself, Lexa pulled Clarke up and over her lap roughly.   
"Knees apart." Her voice was hoarse, and Clarke shivered as she followed orders, her knees getting bitten by the carpet. Lexa began with one truly hard spank and Clarke yelped, taken aback by the pain. She eased up on the intensity after that, bringing Clarke to a nice rhythm with a variety of smacks.   
Free from the constraints of a desk, and a badge, and a gun, Clarke’s body appreciated every strike. Lexa's palm was fire against her vulnerable skin, and the office A/C was ice as her thighs got damp. Suspended somewhere between heaven and hell, she embraced it.   
Clarke felt Lexa's hand slip around her throat and a moan tumbled from her lips. Lexa squeezed Clarke's airway each time her hand connected with her backside. Clarke's back arched, and Lexa's knee found its way between her legs.   
Lexa exhaled sharply, ending the session without warning as her senses overloaded.   
Clarke crumpled to the floor while Lexa panicked for a moment.   
Breathing hard Lexa ran her hands through her own hair, hoping her eyes weren't wild. Clarke meanwhile found just enough strength to heel properly, breathing Lexa in while she recovered. Everything hurt, but it wasn't the kind she was used to. This pain radiated, warming her as it flooded her system. It wasn't focused on a central place, burning the memory of a punch or a kick in with the bruise, instead it was all consuming, and Clarke loved it.  
Lexa leaned down to nip her earlobe, then couldn't get herself to stop. Pulling Clarke into her lap she kissed every tender spot she could reach and Clarke fell into her arms, winding her own around Lexa's shoulders as their lips met.   
Pressing her body into Lexa's, Clarke kissed her slowly, marveling at the way their curves met.   
Lexa ran her nails down Clarke's spine, then anchored her thumbs in the hollows of her hip bones, grabbing her ass. Clarke pulled back, inhaling as her eyes welled up with tears at the sharp pain and Lexa kissed her hard, pressing her tongue against Clarke's and sucking on her bottom lip.   
"Lexa..." Clarke whispered against her mouth.   
Giving in, Lexa picked her up and laid her out atop the desk. Clarke made a pathetic sound as the centuries old wood dug into her abused skin and Lexa struggled not to bruise her with her grip. 

Clarke was everywhere, surrounding her. In all her time on the earth Lexa had never known anything like it. The setting sun drenched Clarke in red and burnt orange, her blue eyes sparkling in the wash.  
Climbing up on the desk Lexa straddled her, holding her gaze and her hips. Riding her slowly, Lexa let her eyes flutter shut.   
Clarke cried out, overwhelmed by the sensation of leather pressing into her sensitive skin, by the slickness that dripped down between her legs and the ache of her sore ass.   
Lexa just continued to use her as she pleased, sliding her hands up to Clarke's stomach while she pressed herself down onto Clarke’s clit. Clarke had no control over herself as her legs opened wider, and Lexa grabbed one, putting it around her own back while she leaned forward to kiss Clarke. Their bodies merged into one form, and Clarke bit Lexa's shoulder as her clit came flush against her masters.   
Lexa felt a twinge, her humanity faltering. The animal within her flickered as she held onto the desk instead of Clarke, trying not to hurt her. Burying her face in Clarke's hair she let it be her guide, reminding her not to let go completely. She got as close she could, rocking Clarke back and forth until they were both crying out.   
Clarke came first, and Lexa settled for kissing her gently as the girl came down. She held herself up over Clarke, kissing her cheeks and the sharp line of her jaw. She knew she wouldn't be able to go another round, as much as she wanted to. The last thing the club needed was another scandal.   
Underneath Lexa, Clarke had no desire to move. She should've been trying to gather the pieces of her mind that were left, but instead she lay there blissfully.  
As usual Lexa pulled away before she wanted her to, getting to her feet only to find them unsteady. Clutching the desk she tried to hide it from Clarke.   
"Y-you may get dressed." She announced and Clarke pouted hard. Biting down on a smile Lexa forced a serious expression.   
Clarke sighed and sat up, crossing her legs and dropping her hands in her lap, the very picture of a spoiled slave. Lexa did grin then, pulling Clarke forward by her leash and taking her lips in her own once more.   
"...are you busy this weekend?" Lexa asked as she ran her fingertips up and down Clarke's torso. Clarke's head snapped up. 

"What?" She replied, confusion coloring her tone. Lexa pinched her cheek in response and helped her down from the desk.   
"There's an event this coming weekend if you're interested. It's an overnight affair however."   
Clarke swayed as she landed and Lexa caught her easily.   
"I'll...uhm, talk to Ethan." She replied, her voice tiny. Lexa nodded, letting her go.   
"Be here in the morning on Saturday if you'd like to participate." Lexa tried to keep herself emotionless as Clarke put her clothes back on, reaching out to remove the collar and leash.   
"You're dismissed." She added when she was done and this time Clarke didn't run for the door.   
Instead she slowly walked away, and Lexa watched her go, the hunger building up anew.   
Clarke's eyes were heavy as she stumbled down the stairs and into the lobby again. Blake was waiting for her, and offered his arm. She took it, letting him lead her safely past the marble front steps and over to the car. Pulling the keys from her purse Clarke pressed them into his palm.   
"...can you drive?" She asked, leaning against the car.   
"Yeah. Get in." He opened the passenger door for her and then they drove home with just the sounds of the radio to comfort them. 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

tbc  
thank you for reading  
thanks to all who left comments and kudos! <3


	3. in the garden part I

The Monster Within

3: [in the garden,  
we wait with bated breath]  
part I

Blake's dark features were stippled by the light filtering through the tree tops as they sat outside Jitters Coffee Shop. Nursing an Americano he squinted at Clarke through his sunglasses.  
"How do you feel about Saturday?" He asked and she shrugged.  
"Might get us a better view of the grounds. I think it's a good idea."  
He nodded, then whipped out a sheet of paper and laid it out in front of her.  
"This is what I've got so far. Plenty of places to stash a body."  
Clarke looked at the hand drawn map, noting the discrepancies from Raven's version on their tablets.  
"We've got to find a way to break out of the club house." She said and Blake made a face.  
"Finn is an idiot. I can probably pull it off. Put him in a sleeper hold and make a break for it."  
Surprised, Clarke stared at him.  
"...Finn?"  
“Yeah, he makes me call him by his first name, like we're pals or something. I fucking hate it." The wall fell as Blake lit a cigarette, the stress of the mission wearing him down.  
"What's he like?" Clarke leaned forward.  
"Well, I get to walk around and shit if that's what you're asking." Blake replied and Clarke's knees stung with the memory of the carpet. She tried not to think about it as he continued. "He's one of those stupid hippies, thinks you can "talk" to terrorists. Wouldn't last a minute in the real world. His father runs a huge solar panel company. Another classic case of Daddy's Money."  
"...not everyone's cut out for the military Blake." She gave him a small smile and he sucked his teeth.  
"I know, I know. But I busted my ass so that kid could sit in his stupid castle and play games with people."  
Clarke nodded, glad to be back on these terms.  
"Well my collar says "Princess" on it, so there's that." Clarke replied dryly and Blake laughed. A barking sound she’d missed more than she thought she had.  
"Fitting." He lit another smoke, still grinning. "I'm guessing she's hot. Looked like you got hit by a Mack truck yesterday."  
Clarke choked on her latte, then reached out to smack his shades off his head.  
"Shut up." She went for casual but her voice came out strangled, and the memory of Lexa's slim perfect fingers around her throat made her bite down on her own lip.  
"Hey, as long as you keep your head in the game I don't care what you do. You're good right?" He looked at her with the intense gaze he usually reserved for suspects and she hardened up.  
"I'm golden."  
When they got back to the house Clarke hopped in the shower, letting the steam carry her away. Unfortunately it took her right to Lexa, and proved useless all together as she sat down to watch tv. Her body started throbbing instantly, and the figures on the screen melted away as her work was promptly undone. Saturday couldn't come fast enough.

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

"Hey, how's your connection over there?"

The Chief's face materialized on Clarke's laptop as they reported to headquarters.  
“We're clear, sir." Blake replied.  
"Good. I got your report Agent Bellamy, you guys are all set."  
"Thank you, sir."  
"Now that you're in I can give you a few more details. You guys are looking for an unidentified subject that doesn't fit the classic profile. All the victims suffered from severe, heavy, blunt force trauma. Evidence of sexual trauma. Two males, two females, unconnected so far. We're still trying to identify a weapon, but keep an eye out for anyone that works with concrete or does masonry."  
"Roger that sir. We're identifying possible transport routes the killer could've used to dump the bodies." Clarke spoke up.  
"Good. We'll keep communication limited for now, but don't fall off the grid entirely, understood?"  
"Yes sir." The agents replied in tandem and Chief Harris gave them "the nod".  
"Good luck." The screen went black, then the computer restarted and Clarke and Blake both fell back into the couch.  
"You know what we have to do on this overnight right?" Blake said as he turned on the tv, wilting in her general direction.  
"...sneak around, hide behind some shit, follow some people..." She replied.  
"You got it." He pointed a finger gun at her and she grabbed his hand, bending said fingers back until he capitulated.  
"Ahh! Okay! Jeez! I have an idea."  
She let him go and he blew on his hand, waving it back and forth.  
"We'll both sneak out when our "sponsors" fall asleep, we'll link up, and if we get caught we just admit to creeping out for a quickie."  
"Now that's a good idea." Clarke replied appreciatively, but her stomach started doing flip flops.  
"So...are you in or...?" Maneuvering his lips around a joint, he quirked a brow at her.  
"I just can't guarantee I'll be...able to move freely."  
"Ohh." His vocal chords made the sound as his mouth took on the shape and a train of perfect smoke rings rolled out from his lips. Mesmerized, Clarke watched them expand and contract in a ghostly fashion.  
"Just, you know, convince her otherwise." He smirked once the smoke dissipated, his eyes glittering. Clarke took a hit then hid her face in the couch. The scent of leather swamped her, and her cheeks got even hotter.  
"What's the matter Agent Griffin?"  
"Shut your face Bellamy." Clarke peeled herself off the couch cushion, only to fall onto her side and curl up by Blake. He reached out to rub her back, chuckling as he puffed away.  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I can see why someone would want to dominate you." Blake declared, only half-joking, and Clarke closed her eyes.  
"Just saying..." He said softly. Clarke pretended to be asleep, and Blake left it at that.

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

Clarke wasn't sure what to pack for their overnight stay, so she settled for just a change of clothes and her toothbrush. Blake did the same, tossing her a spare cell battery as he zipped up his bag.  
"Keep in touch. It won't be easy, but we've gotta at least attempt to set up a rendezvous point."  
"Got it." Clarke turned her phone to vibrate and stood up. "Is your weapon secured?" She asked, patting the bulge in her bag where her handgun rested.  
"We're good to go."  
The drive was unnaturally quiet, the usually teeming roads abandoned.

"Don't let your guard down, even for a second." A vein in Blake's neck pulsed in time with his words as he pulled into the Sign of the Lion. The front parking lot was full, and they followed the signs until they drove into an underground garage. It wasn't anywhere on the map, and Clarke and Blake exchanged glances as they exited the car.  
Taking their time getting back to the surface they scoped out the other vehicles, most of them luxury affairs. Instinctively, they split up, taking opposite paths through the garage until they both arrived at the exit together.  
The loud chirping of birds greeted them when they hit the open air, heat and humidity closing in on the uphill climb to the entrance. Clarke's tank top clung to her and Blake looked away, his face flushed.  
When they got there the door was locked, and Sam walked over to open it by hand. The lobby was full of people milling around, and Clarke took the opportunity to observe their body language. The electricity in the air was palpable, and the agents looked to Sam as she ushered them in.  
"You two are both participants today so you can head on up to your sponsors chambers." She said, letting them past the desk. Clarke dismissed the questions that popped into her head, going straight for Lexa's office.  
Her sponsor was waiting for her, looking stunning in a pair of beige slacks and a white shirt. Lexa leaned in to kiss her before the door had even fully shut, and the moment it did Clarke yanked her own shirt over her head.  
"What...are we doing?" She asked between kisses. Lexa sighed, running her hands over Clarke's ribcage. Clarke trembled, her will power immediately disappearing.  
"You're to compete today." Lexa answered, unbuttoning Clarke's denim shorts.  
Clarke rested her hands on Lexa's shoulders, kissing her brazenly for a moment until Lexa pushed her away.  
With a playful smile Lexa finished undressing her, then pressed her mouth to Clarke's pulse, her body thrilling as it pounded against her lips.  
"Stay." Lexa walked away from her, picking up a sliver of an outfit from the desk. She helped Clarke into the white lace mini-dress, then kneeled down to kiss her exposed skin as she took her time fastening the tiny pearl buttons that went straight up to the neck. There was just enough space left for Lexa to clip her collar on, and she did so with a glint in her eye.  
"I know you'll do well." She said firmly, holding Clarke's face. Clarke nodded in her grasp, then yelped as Lexa's grip tightened.

Lexa searched her eyes, releasing her when she didn't find any weakness.  
"Are you ready?" Lexa asked and her probate leaned into her.  
"...almost..." Clarke nipped at Lexa's lower lip, then sucked the pain away. She'd quickly become addicted to the taste of Lexa's mouth, to the curve of her lips and the tremor of her tongue...  
"Enough." Lexa ended it gently, replacing a stray tendril of blonde hair. She affixed Clarke's leash, then ordered her to her knees.  
"Come. Keep your head held high." Lexa instructed. Blocking out everything but the smooth, tan calves of her master and the floor beneath her Clarke followed obediently.  
Lexa walked quickly and confidently through the space, snapping Clarke's leash as the agent slowed down to eyeball the other slaves in their various predicaments.  
Clarke managed to keep up, but it was hard to maintain her focus amidst the throng of half naked or more bodies.  
Every master was clean and polished, every slave cut and hungry.  
It didn't seem real to her, this realm of pomp and brutality. In a way it reminded her of work. She went from bleeding on a basement floor to dressing up for an agency ball all the time. Her head was spinning as Lexa stopped at the filigreed gates of a very old lift. Clarke sat patiently, and Lexa looked pleased while they waited for the elevator to come up.  
"Well, well, well, Ms. Woods. Looks like you can train one after all." An unreasonably tall man with a large jaw and greasy, dark curls popped out of nowhere, smirking at Lexa.  
"Your opinion is irrelevant Kane." Lexa replied smoothly, but Clarke felt her muscles tense up.  
"Somehow I don't think Rowan would feel the same way." His whisper was just loud enough for Clarke to hear, and she filed the information away for later use. Behind the man she called Kane a petite girl with hazel eyes trembled slightly, though she held her chin up high and proud. Her attitude was defiant, but Clarke could make out several bruises circling her neck.

Lexa's face took on a wild edge at his remark, looking eerily similar to Blake for a moment.  
"No one cares, what you think." Her voice went low, and dangerous, and Clarke pressed into her even closer, ready to defend her if need be. It was completely irrational, and she knew that, but here in this environment reason was not the rule.  
The gates opened and they took their leave, with Kane waving them off. As the doors closed again Lexa tugged Clarke's leash upward and she stood, only to be brought against a wall. Lexa kissed her the whole way down, her violent energy seeping into Clarke while their tongues mingled. When the bell went off Clarke dropped to her knees without Lexa having to say it, and her master give her a playful spank, then trailed her hand across her back.  
"Come."  
She led Clarke into a great room that seemed to disappear right into the landscape, the walls having been replaced by huge panes of glass. Beyond the glass white chairs and ribbons were set up. HD TV's blinked from stone walls, and puffs of smoke smudged the view of people and their pets.  
Lexa brought Clarke forward and the doors split apart, a wall of sound coming at them fast. Turning to Clarke, Lexa brought her slave to her feet once more, and the grass tickled her bare soles.  
Clarke wiggled her toes, looking down at them, and as Lexa slid a hand under her chin to lift her face back up there was a smile on it.  
Lexa held her breath. They were surrounded by full-fledged club members, but Clarke was rushing through her system faster than she could deal with.  
Clarke looked concerned as Lexa's fingertips sank into her jaw line, but she didn't feel any fear.  
Exhaling, Lexa let go only to grab her leash. She focused on the feel of it in her hand as she led Clarke to the dining area, and then on staring too hard at the mountains of fruit and pastries balanced on the massive table. Anything to take her mind off her slave.  
Lexa doled out nods and hand shakes to the rest of the club members, acutely aware of the strain in her voice. When they dispersed she took a seat, sighing as Clarke heeled beside her.

The otherworldly scents gathered around the table didn't bother Lexa's nose for once as she leaned forward to free a coffee cake from its perilous position atop a tier. Breaking it open she offered a piece to Clarke, who turned red.  
"You'll need your strength." Lexa teased her in a low voice, and though Clarke's grumbling stomach couldn't refuse, her expression was huffy. Lexa bit down on a grin, flipping the medal on Clarke's collar rightside up as the agent accepted her gift of food.  
"Was that a…smile? Should I get help?" A young man took the seat next to them and Lexa's humor vanished. Clarke tried to hide her surprise, finding herself inches from her partner. Blake wore only a navy blue speedo and his usual irritated expression as he sat cross legged by his sponsors feet.  
Finn was stocky, with long red hair that fell to his shoulders, but he had a baby face; sitting there in jeans, a short-sleeved flannel, and boots.  
"Are you done?" Lexa replied, reducing a blueberry muffin to crumbs in her grasp.  
"Emergency services are available you know, just in case you start to feel...unwell." Finn pointed out and Clarke looked up at Lexa, who stared straight ahead without saying anything.  
"Hi, I'm Finn." He leaned around Lexa and stuck his hand out. Clarke didn't take it and he slowly withdrew under a withering glare from Lexa.  
"This isn't the Hunger Games Lex, loosen up." He implored her, but Lexa didn't budge. "Okay, you two can stay here and be as serious as you want to." Undeterred, Finn thumped the table with a fist, then jumped to his feet. Blake followed his example, only not nearly as enthusiastically.  
"Just don't forget to have fun!" Flashing a cheeky grin he departed and Clarke looked up at her master.  
Lexa held her gaze, wondering how she'd gotten herself in this position.  
Trailing a fingertip across her probates cheek she let the feeling spread through her body. No drug she had yet found affected her, and alcohol was fleeting in her superhuman veins, but here she was, flirting with serious addiction.  
Clarke took her wrist, guiding Lexa's wandering finger into her mouth and sucking on it. Lexa let her for a moment, slipping another digit between Clarke's lips. Though Clarke needed it, punishment was the last thing on Lexa's mind.

"Behave." She ordered half-heartedly, taking her hand away and giving Clarke a light smack with it.  
"Yes, Lexa." Clarke replied, her eyes contrite, a half smile gracing her features, and Lexa felt a pang of pain.  
Turning back to the table she found the offerings blurry and undefined, but reached for them anyway. Glasses of champagne disappeared, and it was just enough to take the edge off.  
She kept her distance while the members sat there, smoking and chatting. She hadn't been thinking of Clarke's safety, and she had to. The memory of Rowan flashed through her mind, and Lexa retreated even further.  
While the party wound down Clarke remained in position, casually observing.  
A severe woman sat at the head of the table, speaking to no one, and flanked by two others. Guards, from what she could tell. They weren't typical muscle though. The man was lean, and of average height, while the woman was tall and rail thin. Both were exotic looking, stunningly beautiful really, and Clarke wondered what protective service they could possibly offer.  
It was just as binding as her restraints, not being able to talk to anyone. But she was going to have to find a way around it if she wanted to complete this investigation. The thought of being done gave her pause, and as someone got up to speak, Clarke was grateful to turn her attention elsewhere.  
"Good morning, everyone!" The man greeted them, clinking a glass. He was short, with impish features and a strangely protruding forehead. Clarke stared as he continued.  
"Thank you all for finding the time to make it to this, the 2nd event of the annual Bird in Hand Tourney." There was a break filled with whoops and applause and Clarke regarded Lexa, glad to see she was finally starting to get some color back into her face.  
"We've got two newcomers to the event so if you could all join me in welcoming Lexa and Finn to the competition..."  
Another round of applause came and Clarke relaxed as Lexa smiled.  
"We're all excited to see how you two fare." The members seemed to share the man's sentiment, and suddenly all eyes were on Lexa and Finn. Clarke kept her head down, hoping to remain unnoticed.  
"With that being said, most of you know what's next. You'll have 30 minutes to get your pawns to the starting area. Once the match is over we will meet in the common area to name the winner and hand out the prize. Good luck to you all!"  
The members rose, everyone except the woman in the front, and their pets followed suit.  
Lexa took Clarke's leash, wrapping the length of it around her hand. Lexa pulled down hard and Clarke dropped her head, her heart rate picking up.  
Lexa kissed the top of her head briefly, then yanked her across the yard. Clarke didn't dare lift her eyes from the ground, but she did count her steps until the grass shifted into stone.  
They arrived at the paddock, and free from the prying eyes of most of the club members Lexa kissed her deeply.  
Removing the leash entirely she kissed her slave's throat, lingering in the tender spot where Clarke's neck met her jaw.  
When she'd had her fill she sat Clarke down on one of the wooden benches, stroking her face for a moment.  
"...what're we doing?" Clarke asked again and Lexa smacked her gently with just a few fingers instead of an open palm.  
"Preparing." Lexa replied, her eyes dancing under a sun that climbed higher and higher in the cloudless sky.  
"Stay." She ordered, kissing Clarke again before disappearing into a shed. With the free moment Clarke looked around, taking in the sight of a few other members as they worked on their own slaves. She spotted Blake at the far end of the paddock. Finn stood next to him, leaning against the fence.  
Clarke tried to read their lips, but Lexa reappeared in her field of vision.  
"...your husband looks very strong." Lexa commented, rolling her sleeves up.  
"He's not." Clarke replied easily and Lexa's mouth twitched.  
"We'll see."  
Pouring out a palmful of oil from a bottle, Lexa rubbed her hands together, then started working it into Clarke's exposed skin.

"This'll make you harder to catch." She said as she stroked Clarke's arms, going up and under the sleeve to the shoulder.  
"Isn't that against the rules?" Clarke asked. Her nature couldn't be distracted from, not even by Lexa's skillful touch.  
"There are no rules." She replied, turning to Clarke's legs. As Lexa worked Clarke started to get anxious. Lexa noticed her eyes glaze over, and reached out to pinch her chest, watching her nipples come to life beneath the sheer fabric.  
"Lexa!" Startled, Clarke jumped. Lexa grinned, stepping back to wipe her hands clean on a towel.  
"Trust your instincts. You'll be fine." She took Clarke's face in her hands, tilting her head back slightly so she could look into her eyes.  
"And pay attention." Lexa added before she bent to steal a final kiss.  
This time when Clarke stood up a blindfold was applied, sending her into nothingness. Someone lifted her off the ground, and then she was carried to the days’ game site.  
Clarke heard voices as she was set upright a few minutes later, her feet hitting soft earth. She gasped when her blindfold was removed, staring at a wall of roses and thorns. On either side of her other slaves flexed, some of them in running positions.  
In front of them the rose bushes were cut sharply, forming artful layers of squares and rectangles that stretched on into the horizon.  
"Ready!" A hypnotic voice blared from the loudspeakers, stretching the word out as far as it would go.  
Clarke's heart pounded, her blood pumping hard…

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

tbc

thank you for reading &

thanks to everyone who left comments and kudos! <3


	4. in the garden part II

The Monster Within

4: [in the garden,   
we wait with bated breath]  
part II

Author’s Notes: important please read  
Hey guys! I just wanted to reiterate at this point in the novel that this is indeed a BDSM story and not your typical romance. Think of it like 50 Shades of Clarke and Lexa meets Law & Order with some Supernatural-ish elements mixed in. Moving forward there will be some scenes that are quite intense/graphic in nature (this chapter included!) If that sounds your speed then please enjoy the work! If not, then thank you for giving this story a chance thus far. Much love to all<3 -Heldback

"Complete the maze. You have 2 hours remaining." A horn went off without warning and there was a mad dash. As Clarke approached the rose bushes she spotted an entrance and dove through it.   
Rolling to a stop Clarke took a knee, peering through the greenery surrounding her. Pink and white petals decorated the landscape, broken up only by the wicked curve of displaced thorns, lying in wait for soft flesh to bite into.  
She kept her breathing quiet as the leaves pressed in, warm and waxy against her skin. She could hear the scratch of tiny creatures all around her, and vaguely, the sounds of the other competitors.   
Clarke started forward, listening hard as she placed one foot in front of the other.   
Puzzles were usually Blake's strength, and she tried to think like he would while she made her way through the first few twists and turns.   
She paused for a second and there was a thud behind her. Whipping around Clarke came face to face with Kane's pet, who was completely naked save for a studded blue collar. Clarke sized her up, her hands going to a defensive stance, but the girl merely pushed past her and continued running.   
As she darted out of view Clarke heard a scream and looked around wildly. Curling into the shadow of a bush she winced as the barbs ran down her back and shoulders right through the sheer lace. Eventually she managed to locate the slave who was crying out.   
In the row beside her Declan had a dark-haired girl bent over. He had one hand in her braids, and used the other to push aside the flimsy animal print cloth that served as her protection. Clarke swallowed hard, but she couldn't look away. 

The girl looked helpless in his arms, her eyes wide and glassy.   
When Declan buried himself inside her Clarke's hand closed over a stem full of thorns and the pain jolted her back.  
She crawled away as moans started to fill the hedgerows. Every time she looked into the bushes there were slaves contorted in positions of pleasure and pain. She felt Lexa's hands on her own body as she moved through the maze, slowing her down.   
Turning a corner, she ran straight into another slave.   
The woman was bulky, buff, and covered in tattoos. Clarke recognized one as a law enforcement motto, then ducked as the woman lunged at her.   
Landing on her ass Clarke realized she couldn't take the woman out, not without arousing suspicion.   
She gritted her teeth and didn't try to escape the next attempt. They wrestled, and Clarke was grateful for Lexa yet again when she easily slipped out from between her assailants hands. Taking off at full speed she didn't look back, only stopping when she found herself in an open field. A fountain gurgled in the center, the water blinding as Clarke stumbled over to it.   
Four paths snaked out in different directions and Clarke squinted, deciding on the best one to take.   
At the sound of pounding feet and people closing in she sprinted ahead. Dirt kicked up around her while she plowed around a few more corners before coming to a breathless halt in a manicured patch of flowers. Blake stood panting upon a stone podium, with two empty spots beside him. A young man wearing a staff t-shirt stood in the corner, and he waved Clarke to the podium.   
"Second place." He stamped the back of her dirty hand, then returned to his post.  
"Good job." Blake managed as his chest heaved and Clarke had a sinking feeling. She couldn't bring herself to reply, Lexa's face materializing in her mind.   
Minutes passed in excruciating silence until Kane's slave appeared from the underbrush, taking the third place spot with hunched shoulders.   
“Here you go Octavia.”   
She got her stamp, the horn sounding loudly afterwards, then they were all flushed out of the maze and brought back to the starting line where their masters waited. 

Clarke didn't look up as Lexa re-attached her leash, and Lexa didn't have any words for her. She was gentle however as she brought Clarke to one of the outdoor showers. Turning the water on she stripped Clarke down and took her hand, guiding her under the spray.   
Clarke closed her eyes, letting the dirt and grime wash away. Her cuts stung, but it was a familiar pain.   
Lexa didn't bother to towel her off when she was done, watching the rivulets of water slide down Clarke's body. It was almost enough to keep the rage at bay, but not quite. She felt the knot take hold in her stomach. The ceremony hadn't even started yet and Lexa already wanted to kill someone. Trembling, she put Clarke back on her lead.   
"Come."   
In the common area the slaves sat in the sun, their masters reliving the chase. They handed out appreciative pats or hard smacks, and Lexa gave neither as she strode in.   
Clarke looked up from under lowered lids, acutely aware of her naked body. She never thought her occupation would take her here, where the physical exposure was complete. She couldn't decide if it worse or better than the broken bones.  
Clarke started as Lexa slipped a hand into the small of her back, leading her to the front of the group. Lexa pinched her ass in response, and Clarke took it with no reaction.   
"Look at that, it's a newbie take over! I'll need Finn up here as well and you Marcus." Their host announced.  
Kane and Finn joined them, a flatscreen between them and their host. Clarke took in all the beaming faces, disoriented.   
"In third place, we have Mr. Kane!"   
His slave bowed her head and he acknowledged the crowd.   
"And in second, the lovely Ms. Woods, making a great debut!"   
Lexa took the applause with a stiff smile and Clarke sighed.  
"And the winner of today's event, the man who gets to spin the wheel, Mr. Finn Collins! Come on up here!" 

Clarke averted her eyes as Finn approached the screen, her butt naked partner behind him.   
"Here we go, when you're ready just hit the button." The host pointed Finn toward the screen, where a red circle blinked. Finn tapped it and a game show wheel popped up, spinning manically in a rainbow of color.   
Whoops from the crowd rang out as it slowed, flickering over phrases that didn't yet mean anything to Clarke. Finally it stopped, the words "pick a pawn" spreading out in white. The applause was loud and joyous.   
"Alright Mr. Collins, this ones pretty self explanatory. You may have any pawn you want for your pleasure this evening. Who will it be?"   
Clarke felt her stomach flip when Finn grinned and lifted a hand, pointing directly at her.   
"I'll take the princess from second place." He announced and all the air left her.   
"Good choice! How about it? Can we hear it for Finn in his first event?!"   
The crowds response was muffled to Clarke, their faces melting into each other as she processed what had just happened.   
Lexa stood stock still for a moment, before pushing Clarke towards Finn.   
"Well done. You enjoy yourself Mr. Collins." The host shook his hand, his piggy eyes lingering on Clarke until Finn tapped her shoulder.   
"Follow me." With a smile he started for the house, waving to the crowd as they applauded their departure. Clarke stared hard at the ground, her limbs moving in slow motion.   
Blake walked with his hands in front of him, but his body wasn't cooperating with his mind.   
Meanwhile Clarke remained in limbo, unable to believe Lexa was still there, watching her walk away as Finn's prize.   
As they returned to the house she made eye contact with Blake, who tried to smile with a stiff jaw.   
It was the nature of the club, but Clarke couldn't think of being anyone else's. Especially not Finn's. But she didn't really see a way out of this one. She'd have to be a good agent, as always. 

Finn brought them back up in the lift, and Clarke worked on pulling it together. They couldn't break their cover, or the mission would be over.  
Her heart thudded in her throat as they entered a bed room, and it was a wonder she didn't choke on it. Finn closed the door and turned to them, bringing his hands together.   
"Okay, Caroline you're gunna need a few things." With a wicked expression he pulled a few tools from a drawer, then fanned them out for Clarke to look at.   
"Which one would you like to start with?" Between his fingers there was a leather riding crop, a thin wooden paddle, and some sort of tasseled device. Clarke stared at him.  
"You see, your husband has been a very bad boy, and I think he deserves some punishment."   
That word again, "punishment". It flared red and hot in Clarke's mind as she checked out the selection.  
She felt a thrill, adrenaline pumping through her. She had to play her part, after all. Taking the crop she twirled it around in her hands, looking up at Finn. He cocked a brow at her, his half smile hypnotizing.   
"Don't be afraid to go hard, Ethan could use it." His voice took on the same growling texture as Lexa's, and for a moment Clarke hesitated. There was something about them, something she couldn't understand. But she was determined to find out.   
Turning slowly to Blake she met his gaze.  
"Sit." She ordered.   
By the foot of the bed he went to his knees, breathing hard.   
Blake was a great example of the male form, but Clarke pictured Lexa when she stroked his face with the worn leather. Giving him a slap she sucked in a breath as he winced.   
"Go on." Finn urged her, falling into a chair beside them. She smacked him in the chest and his muscles contracted, his skin reddening. Fascinated, Clarke trailed the crop over his abs. Blake was rock hard, in probably the most compromising situation he'd been in yet with his partner.   
Clarke hit him hard in the stomach and he grunted, his abs twitching.  
Focusing on the same spot she worked him until Blake's chin fell onto his chest, half-throated moans emanating from him.  
Gently, she played with the lithe lines of his exposed thighs.   
"How do you feel Caroline? You think that's enough?" Finn asked her, his brown eyes dark and swirling, like Lexa's got. Clarke didn't respond, overwhelmed, and Finn walked over to her.   
"Do you think he's suffered enough?" Finn grabbed Blake, pulling his head back by his hair. Clarke struck his face one more time and Finn took the crop away.   
"Come on, get up." Yanking Blake up he gave his ass a smack and Blake glared at him.   
"If you could get on the bed for me please." Finn asked her nicely, and Clarke had no choice but to crawl up onto the bed. She wanted to pull her knees to her chest, but she resisted the urge.   
"Alright, you've had your punishment, now you get your reward." Finn announced, shoving him forward.   
Clarke remained seated, her hands in her lap. Blake didn't move.   
"Ethan." Finn's voice was dangerous again, and Clarke shivered as she heard Lexa in his tone. Then the tremors spread further as she finally looked at Blake, really looked at him. This was going to hurt.   
Blake followed orders, gently laying Clarke on her back.   
She screwed her eyes shut. Blake gripped her hips for a moment, breathing in and out deeply.   
As he prepared to enter her there was a knock at the door, and Finn threw his hands up.   
"What. The. Fuck." He griped.   
Clarke kept her eyes closed as Blake let go of her, sitting back on his calves.   
The knock came again, and Clarke chanced a glance at the door as Finn haughtily opened it.   
"This better be good." He grumbled until Lexa's face appeared on the other side.   
"Hey Lex, what's up?" Finn ran his hands through his hair.   
"May I speak to you? In private?"   
Clarke heard her voice and immediately sat up, her cheeks blazing.   
"I'm kind of in the middle of something." His reply was short, but Lexa took him by the shoulder and dragged him from the room. As the door slammed shut Clarke and Blake released the breath they'd both been holding.   
"Holy shit." Blake whispered, flipping around to sit on the edge of the bed, his head falling into his hands.   
"...I second t-that." Clarke managed, barely getting above a whisper.   
When Finn returned his face was white, and he promptly grabbed Clarke's arm and lifted her off the bed.   
"You owe me big." He bit out as he handed her back to her rightful master.   
Lexa nodded, swiftly attaching her slave to her lead. When Finn was out of sight she gave it a hard pull and Clarke drifted down to all fours.   
Shell shocked, Clarke crawled after Lexa on auto-pilot. From floor level the mansion seemed to go on for eternity, a dizzying array of rooms and nooks and crawl spaces pressing in. It was all just one big maze.   
"I gave you an order." Lexa snapped at her and Clarke looked up to find herself at the threshold of Lexa's office. Relief flooded her, followed by embarrassment as she realized she had no idea what Lexa had asked.   
"I'm sorry." Clarke replied and to her surprise Lexa merely brought her up to her feet, leading her into the office and closing the door. 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, kissing her deeply. Clarke kissed her back, going limp as the last few hours took their toll. Lexa held her up by her face, her green eyes going dark.   
"You are mine." She said slowly and clearly.   
Clarke nodded, her breath hitching as Lexa's hold turned painful. The hurt spread through her, awakening every nerve.   
Lexa let her go as the agent gasped, folding her arms over her chest.   
"I'm indebted to Finn now thanks to you." She began with a cold stare. "So you're going to have to pay for that."   
"Yes Lexa." Clarke replied, her answering gaze fearless. Anticipation colored her cheeks as Lexa brought her to the desk.   
"I want my office spotless, do you understand?" She turned to Clarke, undoing her leash with inhuman speed.   
"Yes Lexa." Clarke couldn't help staring at her as Lexa bent to retrieve a few things from the desk drawers.   
"Turn around." Lexa ordered and Clarke felt her muscles tense, preparing for the unknown. Instead of spanking or whipping her though Lexa simply slid a garment over her pet's shoulders. Expertly, she tied the maid's outfit together.   
Clarke looked down at herself, thinking that she was better off naked than in the form accentuating costume. She tried not to move, but the feeling of being humiliated started to twist through her.   
Lexa spun her around again, applying a light clamp to each of her nipples. Clarke yelped and Lexa shut her up with a look.   
Next she lifted the nearly non-existent skirt, tying a leather cord around Clarke's waist. As Clarke stood there vibrating Lexa added another cord. This one was weighted, and the cold metal landing between Clarke's legs made her grimace. She struggled not to fidget as Lexa watched her. Her chest was burning already, and the weight felt heavier against her clit with every passing second.   
"You can start with the blinds." Lexa handed her a feather duster and Clarke took it with shaking hands.   
Lexa dropped into the great chair, resting her chin on her hand.   
"Now." Her tone was scalding, and Clarke took a few wobbly steps toward the windows. The movement made her body ache like nothing else.   
The duster felt like it was made of lead as Clarke lifted it, and as she reached for the nearest blind her taut nipples pulled against their captors.   
"Fuck!" She swore under her breath, tormented. Breathing rapidly she had to fight for every motion. By the time she made it to the top of the shades the metal weight was sliding to and fro between her legs. Wet and slick, it always seemed to hit her in the worst possible place.   
The blinds shook as she worked on them, her agony extending to the vinyl.   
When it was finally over she fell to her knees, the duster dropping to the floor as Lexa smirked. The brunette stayed where she was.   
"The rest of the room needs to be picked up." Her master declared lazily and Clarke made a pitiful sound. She could barely move, consumed as she was by flame.   
"Lexa...please..." Clarke pleaded, a first for her, but Lexa was merciless.   
"Contrary to what life may have shown you up to this point Caroline, you are not actually a princess. You are my probate, and you will do as I say or you will leave."   
Clarke went rigid for a moment, which only served to make her torture worse as her muscles tightened up. It shouldn't have surprised her that Lexa could make her feel so awful and amazing at the same time, but it did.   
Lexa gave her a stern look, and her threat had the desired effect as Clarke took a deep breath, finding her feet. Lexa reveled in the will etched into her face. It was marred by pain, but still fiercer than any Lexa had encountered before.   
With the last of her strength Clarke picked up the loose ends around the room, biting her lip to keep from crying out. When she bent to pick up a wayward pen the weight smacked her hard and she doubled over. Panting, she tried to think through the intense pounding of her sex. Tears streaked her face as she forced herself to keep moving.

Painstakingly, she made her way back over to the feather duster, the last thing to be picked up. She wrapped her fingers around the handle, and shoved it onto the top of the desk before collapsing beside it.  
Lexa watched her cry for a minute, then liberated her pet from her constraints.   
Clarke sniffled while Lexa kneeled down to untie the cords from around her waist. As soon as the weight was gone Clarke felt a rush of release.   
The clamps were removed and though Clarke whimpered, it still felt euphoric as the wicked devices released her. Lexa brushed her lips across the ultra-sensitive skin of her nipples and Clarke fell apart, crumbling into Lexa's shoulder as waves of pain and pleasure broke over her.   
Lexa picked her up easily, placing her on the edge of the desk. Clarke clung to her for awhile, kissing her desperately as her mind went blank and her body took over.   
Lexa pushed her back after a few minutes, stroking Clarke's stomach as the blond held herself up with shaking arms.   
"Relax." Lexa's voice was soothing, her hands positioning Clarke until the girl was leaning on her elbows, her legs wide open.   
Kissing and biting her way down Clarke's torso it was Lexa's turn to be on her knees as she swallowed Clarke up.   
Her nails dug into the back of her pet's thighs while she sucked on her clit.   
"Fuck..." Curses tumbled out of Clarke's mouth and Lexa held her gaze, making her stomach burn hotter.   
Clarke's hips rose up and then back down as Lexa switched to licking her in long, firm strokes. Her soft tongue was heaven after the rude metal weight. She flicked the tip of it over Clarke's swollen clit and Clarke moaned. She almost felt ashamed as Lexa's lips came up shiny and wet after, but It wasn't enough to keep her sane as Lexa swirled her tongue around her entrance.   
“L-Lexa-" Clarke was begging again, hopeless in her desire for her master.   
She was left longing though as Lexa rose instead, denying her her climax. Dazed, she watched Lexa unbutton her shirt.   
She reached for her but Lexa put her back into position, then smacked her cheek.   
Lexa unclasped her pants next, grabbing hold of the back of Clarke's head with one hand and sliding them down with the other.  
Clarke made a strangled sound as Lexa entered her with a strap-on. The pressure against her walls made her head fall back, her mouth opening as Lexa filled her carefully.  
It wasn't long before Lexa pulled her head back up, forcing Clarke to watch herself take every inch.   
She shook as Lexa leaned in to kiss her mouth. It was sloppy, Clarke's ability to do anything disintegrating as Lexa's legs pressed up against hers.  
Burying both of her hands in Clarke's hair Lexa slammed her onto her back, fucking her hard.   
Clarke gushed, taking it all easily as Lexa held her down. She pressed her mouth against Lexa's neck and gripped her sides, giving herself over to it. Lexa slowed her pace, forcibly kissing Clarke again. Each stroke was slower than the last. Lexa was deliberate and cruel as she pulled all the way out. Every time she slid her tongue against Clarke's she entered her again, bringing their bodies together completely before breaking apart.   
"Ahh..." Clarke cried out as the the pressure became unbearable, her grip on Lexa reaching an abusive level. It didn't seem to bother Lexa though as she pressed Clarke right into the desk, keeping her there. Clarke squirmed, on the very edge.   
"Is this what you wanted?" Lexa murmured, kissing her throat in a leisurely fashion.   
Clarke tried to move her hips but Lexa didn't allow it, biting her earlobe.   
"Answer me." She bit down on Clarke's bottom lip, then growled as her slave came instead of obeying her command.   
"I'm...s-sorry..." Clarke stammered when Lexa pulled away, looking displeased.   
In response she slid two fingers into Clarke's collar, yanking her forward.   
Clarke's legs were jello as Lexa made her stand up, then promptly turned her around. She bent Clarke over the desk, spanking her several times.   
"You're very lucky." Lexa said, nipping the back of Clarke's neck.  
"...why?" Clarke asked as she leaned into her, the length of the toy slipping between her legs. It pushed against her clit, sending Clarke back into a feverish state.  
"You should be punished more." Lexa's words were halting as she kissed Clarke's shoulders, running her lips over the creases and hollows.   
Clarke wanted to be strong and take whatever Lexa could dish out, but she had nothing left. Lexa's skin against hers affected her terribly, and she was still so close. In response Clarke took her hand, guiding it to the epicenter of her agony. Lexa smiled against her spine, escaping easily from her grasp.   
"So spoiled." Lexa remarked and spanked her again before taking a step back.   
Dropping into a chair she pulled her probate into her lap, keeping Clarke's back to her. Placing one hand around her neck, Lexa used the other to tease her. She couldn't help it, she was too enamored with her slaves reactions. Swirling Clarke's clit with her fingertip Lexa bit her own lip, squeezing the girl's throat harder as Clarke made a frustrated sound.   
Sliding into her again Lexa was rough this time around. Clarke gasped as she was brought down hard, her body panicking as her oxygen supply got short.   
Lexa toyed with Clarke as she fucked her and choked her, bringing her to the edge and back until Clarke was trembling in her arms. She could see the bruises starting to form on her thighs, felt the dizzying rush as Clarke's heart pounded, sending her blood racing through her veins...  
Intoxicated with her fragile charge Lexa forced herself to bring Clarke to orgasm. It was the safest bet.   
With her heightened senses she knew exactly where to hit, stroking Clarke's g-spot in short, precise movements.   
Clarke clutched at Lexa's forearm around her neck, leaving deep scratches. Her legs went numb, and the tingling spread to the rest of her extremities.   
"Ohh..." Her voice cracked, then vanished altogether as her entire being came to a fierce focal point. Lexa let go of her neck and took hold of her hips, the sudden rush of oxygen inflating Clarke's orgasm to heavenly levels. When she hit the peak she leapt off, and darkness pressed into the edge of her vision before overtaking her completely.   
Lexa caught her slave as she passed out. With Clarke slumped in her arms it wasn't too difficult for her to find control again. Her canines stopped poking into her lip, retreating to normal levels while her eyes adjusted.   
When she could trust herself she cradled Clarke, bringing her to the armchair and settling her comfortably on the oversized cushions.   
Lexa kneeled down and watched the rise and fall of her chest for a moment. She kissed the top of Clarke's foot, the closest thing to her, and then got up to get ready for the evening.

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

Later that night Clarke gazed up at the sky. Stars were just starting to punch through the curtain of dusk, the candle lights upon the table gaining strength.   
Heeling by her sponsors side Clarke felt free. The wind slipped through the black mini-dress Lexa had chosen for her, caressing her skin. She still wore her collar, but Lexa hadn't bothered with the leash and it gave her a strange sense of pride.   
Orchestral music floated through the grounds, along with ghostly servers brandishing shining silver trays.   
The Sign of the Lion loomed behind them, a crescent moon climbing up the tiled roof. It was eerie and ethereal, a perfect marriage of heaven and hell.   
Likewise, Clarke was sore, but content. Lexa fed her sea bass and sips of wine from the table, both of them in their own little world. Clarke had forgotten herself completely, lost in the catharsis of Lexa's attention.   
She wanted to overdose on her appreciative gaze, to live in the small smiles that Lexa gave her.  
Everything was far away as she rested her chin on her sponsor's thigh. Lexa's hand curled around the back of her neck and Clarke felt safe. She fought to keep her eyes open, and Lexa looked down at her adoringly as she started to fall asleep.   
Dinner was a low-key affair compared to the excitement of the morning, and the members and their pawns emanated exhaustion.   
Clarke couldn't take note of anything as Lexa led her to a bedroom on a floor she didn't recognize. Swaying, she focused on just staying upright while Lexa undressed her. 

Her master laid her down on sheets that seemed to have an infinite thread count, a delicious feeling spreading through her. Sinking into the mattress, she promptly lost consciousness.   
Lexa sighed, stripping down to just her panties before joining Clarke. She wrapped herself around her slave. She knew she was developing a dangerous dependency, but at that moment she couldn't bring herself to care. 

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tbc

thank you for reading

thank you to Tre_rox, Sillyrabbit26, Nervo, Chaos_Archangel and everyone else who has taken the time to leave comments or kudos. You guys are very much appreciated!


	5. for the fire of knowledge

The Monster Within

5: [for the fire of knowledge]

Sunrise came swiftly, and when Clarke's eyes fluttered open they were greeted by a bronze plane. With hands that were still dreaming she traced Lexa's collarbone, sliding down her chest and across her stomach. Lexa was in better shape than most of the agents, and Clarke wondered briefly what her occupation could be.  
Propping herself up on one elbow she regarded her master, but then a flash of blue caught her eye.  
Her backpack was sitting in the corner, and her mouth went dry when she looked at it.  
Creeping out of bed Clarke held her breath until she made sure her weapon was secured. Finding her handgun safe and sound she carefully opened the front pocket, then retrieved her phone with shaking hands.  
She'd completely forgotten about Blake.  
He'd sent her message after message, and there were a ton of missed calls blinking back at her.  
Shoving the phone back into her bag she zipped it up and turned away from it.  
Clarke climbed back into bed, laying her head on Lexa's stomach. It was a compulsion, to be so close, and she slid her fingers into Lexa's pale pink panties without a second thought, holding on to her masters hip.  
Lexa stirred then. Sighing, she half-heartedly tugged on Clarke's locks.  
The blond leaned over and placed a kiss on each of her sponsors ribs, then licked the spaces between them.  
With a low-throated growl Lexa sat up, playfully displacing her slave. Clarke jumped on her in response, tackling her to the mattress. Lexa easily flipped her over, then held her wrists down by the sides of her head. Kissing Clarke's pulse, she felt a deep-seated craving threaten to overtake her.

Suddenly abandoning the warmth of her probate, Lexa got up and to her feet.  
"You may get dressed." She announced, throwing her own shirt back on before leaning against a window.  
Clarke tried not to look crestfallen as she followed orders, already cold and anxious again.  
When she was done she stood there and Lexa met her gaze.  
"I'll see you next week. You're dismissed."

As the door shut behind her Clarke looked up to find Declan waiting silently. Clutching her bag she followed him out of the club and back to the lobby. Blake was there, his face dark.  
"Have a great day guys." Sam waved them off, and Clarke chewed on her lip while they approached the car. Slamming the drivers side door shut Blake started the engine violently.  
"You didn't even try did you?" He bit out as they sped away. Clarke didn't answer.

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At the usual spot the agents worked their way through a late breakfast. Blake demolished his toast between glares, and Clarke picked at her eggs while avoiding him.  
Eventually she put her fork down.  
"Look...I'm fucked up okay?" She whispered it to her plate, but Blake got the message.  
"You can't compromise the mission because you have a hard-on for your dominatrix Griffin." He hissed, his fork quivering in his grip.  
"I know." Rubbing her temples Clarke leaned forward, trying to make sense of everything.

"She could be the fucking murderer."  
Her head snapped up at his words. She didn't answer for some time and when she did her voice wobbled.  
"...you're right." She didn't want to consider it, but Lexa was freakishly strong, and had a temper. Consistent with the profile of someone who might beat another human being to death. Or four.  
"Get your head out of your ass. We can't stop now, we're actually making some god damn progress. I'm not doing this shit for nothing." Blake punctuated his words with jabs, threatening to send the utensil in his hand flying at his partner.  
"I…don't know what to do with myself." Clarke admitted. At this point she was no longer an asset to the mission, but a liability.  
"Yes, you do. Stare at the crime scene photos for a little while. If that makes you horny then we know you have a real fucking problem." He replied shortly.  
"Fine." Clarke agreed, but the victims were far from her mind.  
"Good. We'll go straight to work."  
And Blake did just that when they returned to their not so humble abode.

Clarke put her head down and tried to focus on the case, with visions of Lexa threatening to derail her.  
The crime scene photos were gruesome indeed, and Clarke sighed as she tossed copies of them across the coffee table.  
The vic's had been bludgeoned, their bones broken and crushed. As she stared at them per Blake's orders she couldn't figure out how that level of destruction could've been accomplished.  
Despite the catastrophic bruising, the skin remained smooth and unbroken. It was unusual, to say the least. She wracked her brain, trying to think of anything that might result in a shattered cranium, but leave no exterior marking at all.  
Paging through the CSI reports she found nothing to help her. All the bodies had been found in the river, 3 out of 4 being in the early stages of decomp at discovery. They weren't hidden very well, shoved into patches of floating debris or trash. As she went back to the photographs a name stuck out. "Maguire, Rowan" was scribbled at the bottom of the first set of pictures. Holding them up Clarke leaned back.

Rowan was the name Kane had mentioned, the one that made Lexa seethe.  
"Huh." Downing a beer she stared harder, as if the pictures would start talking.  
Rowan was the first victim. Her skull had been shattered, both arms and both legs cleanly broken.  
Reaching for her laptop Clarke logged in to the FBI database. After a few minutes of filtering she found what she was looking for.  
"Holy shit." The screen filled up as a "Maguire, Rowan" that met her criteria popped up, bringing a long rap sheet with her.  
"Aged 24 at time of death..." Clarke talked to herself while she took in the multitude of grand larceny charges. Quite a few of them were overseas. She'd definitely been on the run. Had Lexa sheltered her?  
At the thought Clarke clicked through her photos. The thief was beautiful, with long dirty blonde hair and wide blue eyes. She looked innocent, angelic even, not like a hardened international criminal at all. Clarke felt a jolt of anger, then clicked off the page, internally chiding herself for being jealous of a dead girl. She knew then that she needed a break,  
Sighing, Clarke cleaned up her workspace and logged off entirely. The agent made for the living room, where her partner was deep in his own database, chewing on a pencil.  
"How goes it?" Clarke asked as she took a seat at the far end of the couch. He glanced at her.  
"Could be going better. You got any more intel for me?"  
"...not yet. I'm sorry."  
Blake waved it off, then folded his arms behind his head.  
"I'll tell you one thing," He began. "They're confident they can't be breached. They wouldn't use full names otherwise."  
"What do you got?" Interested, she leaned over his shoulder.  
"Bunch of loose ends, mostly. Finn has two kids, both listed as missing. There was a kidnapping charge against him, but it looks like the mother dropped it. Her whereabouts are unknown too." Blake pulled up his sponsors mug shot, and the man that stared vacantly at Clarke didn't look like the one she'd met. His hair was caked with dirt, his skin grimy and his eyes wild.  
"...what are their names?" She asked quietly, processing the info.  
"Axel, last seen at age 2, and Jaxon, 4."  
Blake worried at his stubble, his expression torn.  
"Somethings wrong there. I just don't think he'd do anything to them. Doesn't fit the profile." Clarke murmured, feeling it in her gut.  
"The profiles don't seem to be in our favor Griffin, not this time."  
"What else?" She asked tersely.  
"Let's see. Your girl's in environmental law, represented Finn's father in a case in the past. Kane's with the DoD, but that's as far as I got."  
Clarke hid her surprise.  
"We knew we'd be dealing with these kinds of people. The question is, how are we going to find the murderer?" She mused, staring at the monitor.  
It was easy for her to picture Lexa in a court room, taking someone to task for not doing their research. It almost made her smile, but she snapped herself out of it under Blake's stare.  
"...the mansion is a labyrinth, but it's a full one. I got out for a little while, and from what I could see, I'd put my money on the crimes being committed somewhere else. It's a big place, but there's no way you're gunna get away with bashing four people to death with that many witnesses."  
The pencil turned to wood shavings as he gnawed on it.  
"So we've got no suspect, no idea about the murder weapon, and acres worth of crime scene." Clarke summarized.  
"Yup. This entire mission is a clusterfuck." Blake rubbed his face, saving what was left of the pencil from certain death by putting it back on his desk.  
"You're disgusting." An actual smile came to Clarke's face as she ribbed her partner.

"Does this mean you're gunna punish me again or...?" Blake clapped back with his trademark shit-eating expression and Clarke was speechless for a moment.  
"...I think I'll leave that up to Finn." She replied when her voice returned, but she could feel her cheeks blazing.  
Blake got up from his desk, chucking the slobbery pencil at her and she ducked.  
"Want another beer?" He asked, smirking as she tried to kick it off the couch.  
"Several." She replied. While he was in the kitchen Clarke stole his spot in front of the computer. Unable to help herself she clicked through to Lexa's profile.  
Aside from a multitude of Seattle parking tickets her record was squeaky clean, and Clarke read through it at warp speed, minimizing the page when Blake reappeared with their drinks.  
"Kane is...interesting." She murmured as she pulled up his information. There wasn't much, the Department of Defense having redacted most of it.  
"Yeah, I'm gunna have Agent Jordan see what he can dig up. We might not get far though." Blake handed her a cold one, falling into the seat beside her.  
"His...girl or whatever, had some pretty nasty bruises. Looked like ligature marks around her neck." Clarke pointed out after a long swig.  
Blake pressed his lips together.  
"Could just be a kink. You don't look so hot yourself." He replied and Clarke quirked a brow at him. "Shit, I don't either. Deep cover never works out well for my complexion." He joked, patting his cheeks as Clarke made a beeline for the mirror over their mantle.  
Her face stared back at her. Before Academy she'd been a born and bred Tennessee girl with a full face and fuller hips. It was only a few years later and now she looked like she was in the running for Ms. Skeletor 2019. The effect was compounded by the remnants of Lexa's fingerprints. They stood out in stark relief, and Clarke didn't want to think about what the rest of her looked like.  
"Why don't we take a nice long vacation after this? What do you say? Couple weeks in Aruba, some good food and some fishing. We can even pretend to be these rich fucks again." Blake suggested and Clarke nodded despite the sinking feeling in her gut. When the mission was over it was back to headquarters. Her body went back to being government property, instead of being Lexa's.

"Sounds good." She replied stiffly.  
"For now, let's try to put this puzzle together."  
Late into the night they bounced increasingly ridiculous theories off each other. Eventually they both ended up sprawled across the living room floor, surrounded by police reports, crime scene photos, and empty bottles.  
Clarke watched the ceiling fan spin above her.  
"...do you feel like you were born to be an FBI agent Blake?" She asked, her words slurring together like the blades of the fan.  
"I was born to serve my country. Ooh rah." He answered, thumping his chest. When Clarke didn't reply he rolled over onto his stomach, army crawling a bit closer to her. "And what about you Agent Griffin?" He asked.  
"I have no fucking idea." Clarke replied, a fit of giggles overcoming her for a minute. They dissipated as Lexa filled her addled mind, taking up the entire space with her perfect lips and athletic frame.  
"Or maybe I do..." She added wistfully.  
Blake fell silent then, not wanting to continue the conversation as he watched a smile grace her features.  
"...you'll figure it out." He finally replied, getting to his feet and helping his partner to the couch.  
"Hopefully sooner rather than later." He said softly while Clarke drifted off to sleep.

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tbc  
thank you for reading!  
& a special thank you for all those who take the time to leave comments or kudos<3 you are very much appreciated


	6. we bear the burden of death

The Monster Within

6: [we bear the burden of death]

"Back in the saddle again!"   
Clarke laughed as Blake belted out his favorite tunes from the cavernous shower in the master bedroom. The ease had returned to their relationship, at least for the time being, and she hung out on the bed in just her underwear and socks. It was Wednesday morning, and she couldn't find much to spoil her mood. Her bruises still lingered though, and she pulled the blankets up to cover herself as Blake emerged with a towel around his waist and a joint in his mouth.   
"How did you even...?" She started to ask and then just shook her head.  
"Don't panic. I'm a trained professional." He replied as he lit it.  
"We gotta check in with the chief soon and we gotta give him something to work with." Blake pointed out between long hauls. He held it out to Clarke but she didn't take it. "What's the matter? You giving up on fun too?"   
"No, I just have to be able to focus." She replied, looking away. The mission was there in her head, it just occupied a tiny space. Her memories of Academy, of all the road classes and behavioral science lectures, had seemingly been wiped away. College was gone, her criminal justice degree dissipating in the wake of one very powerful substance.   
Maybe she'd been set up for it from the very beginning. Initially it was adrenaline, discovered on the first swing set she'd ever leapt from, then it was the thrill of the chase; of finding the criminal and coming back alive. Next were the painkillers, a panacea that kept her from feeling the effects of the job she'd so pursued, and now it was her sponsor, who trafficked in hurting people, people like her. Maybe she was just hard wired for destruction, and that was her addiction.  
"Hey, Griffin," Blake snapped his fingers in front of her and she came to attention.   
"I'm here." She replied absently.   
"I thought I was a space shot." He mumbled, disappearing with his own drug of choice.   
They got dressed in separate rooms, both glassy eyed and slow. Clarke felt a sense of desperation clawing at her, forcing her to take deep, measured breaths.   
In a t-shirt and jeans she let her hair do its wild thing, simply running a hand through her waves before returning to their room.   
"Do we have a plan for today?" She asked as her partner finished up. The familiar thread of desire had started weaving its way around her already, but at least she could pretend.   
"Not much we can do on these sessions. Just keep your eyes peeled."   
"Right." She replied with a small smile.   
"Don't get lost." Blake warned, wagging a finger at her, and she nodded.   
"Yes boss." With a fake salute she hopped up, grabbing the car keys and making for the front door. Blake stopped her, squeezing her shoulder.   
"I'm serious. I know deep cover is your shit, but don't let this one beat you. You've got a great career ahead of you Agent." His sincerity touched her for a moment, but the need for her sponsor was greater than everything else.   
"Don't worry Blake, I'm sure we'll be working the undercover vice beat until we're old and gray." Her lies were reassuring, her partner unable to see past the patina of rosy cheeks and pouting lips.   
"I probably will be. Since you like this bullshit I'm sure you'll do well in the office. It's just kissing ass and getting whipped every day." He replied sardonically as they took off for the Sign of the Lion.   
"It's all fun and games until I send you on the crap details. If you wanna spend the rest of your career locking kids up for selling dope then keep talking." She almost sounded normal over the drizzling of the rain on the windshield, but her knuckles were stark white on the steering wheel. Without makeup the color in her face was high, her heart beating hard against her ribcage, trying to escape.   
Unbidden, the crime scene photos flashed through her mind. It was only for a few seconds though, the grisly scenes disappearing as the mansion came into view.   
"Ready?" Blake looked at her, then quickly looked away. His partner was gone for the moment, and he knew it. The person she became was making him feel strange and off-kilter. Clarke Griffin had always had a fire in her eyes, but this one was different. If he wasn't careful it was sure to consume them both.   
"Good afternoon." Sam greeted, leading them behind the counter and to a different door than normal. She kept Blake, and Declan took hold of Clarke, shepherding them off in different directions. They went down a flight instead of up, and Clarke stared as the walls got more narrow and the lighting even dimmer. At the bottom of the rickety steps Lexa waited for her, her arms folded, her expression cross as usual. It softened only a little as Declan passed her off but Clarke melted anyway as Lexa entwined their fingers. The wave was absolute, a crushing tide of comfort and release, of fear and excitement.   
"We're here tonight." Lexa led her down a hallway illuminated by candle light, and Clarke took in the huge wooden doors. They were similar to the ones upstairs, but instead of angular embellishments these sported full on scenes carved into them. They were all of a slightly demonic persuasion, with horned figures and sculpted weapons adorning each one.   
"...where?" Clarke asked, running her free hand across Lexa's forearm. Lexa faltered for a moment, then picked up the pace.   
She led them to the last door in the darkest corner of the hallway, opening it with ease despite its weight.  
The space they entered was the exact opposite of the rest of the lavish club. Sparsely decorated, it was home to a desk, a few leather stools of differing heights, and a mattress with black sheets lying directly on the floor. There was a single small window, and the only other thing in the room was a large cross. It was shaped like an X, and Clarke noted the shackles hanging from each corner.   
Her breathing picked up as Lexa brought her over to the scary creation. Putting her against the center of it Lexa pressed into her, kissing her deeply. Any protest Clarke might've had died in her throat as Lexa stroked her tongue with her own. Pulling away for a moment she locked Clarke's wrists into their corresponding cuffs.   
Lexa kissed her cheek, then knelt down to secure her ankles. When she was finished she walked away, leaving Clarke there trembling. She returned with some more equipment, setting the stuff down on one of the stools. Stalking back over to Clarke she indulged herself for a while.   
She kissed her way across her prisoner's exposed arms and shoulders, licking the inside of her elbow before moving away to nip the sensitive skin on the inside of her arm.  
Clarke whimpered, but kept her lips pressed together. It was just the beginning of the session, and she was certain there would be much more to endure. The thought hit her hard, and she rode the wave of anticipation, enjoying the body high.  
Lexa kneeled, running the tip of her tongue over Clarke's hips. She leaned forward to kiss her clit, then gave up on the pleasantries and slid two fingers into her.   
Clarke's toes curled against the floor as Lexa worked her in a leisurely fashion. Following her instincts Lexa pushed upwards, finding her slaves swollen g-spot and stroking it until Clarke was a total mess.   
"....fuck." Clarke panted as Lexa stood. There was a beeping sound, and then the cross she was tied to began to recline. She was almost prone when it stopped, her hair swinging until Lexa slipped a headrest underneath.   
Clarke's heart pumped hard as she lay there, completely helpless.   
Lexa bent to kiss her again, and then undid her trousers and put something else into Clarke's mouth. The strap-on was a lot bigger than she was used to and coupled with the weird angle she was decidedly uncomfortable.  
"Mmf!" Clarke tried to protest but Lexa shushed her, grabbing her hair as she fucked her face. Drooling and otherwise incapacitated she just took it, her chest heaving.   
Lexa sighed as she pulled out, pressing her lips to Clarke's again before circling her the way a big cat might circle its prey. Without warning entered Clarke, gripping her legs as she pushed hard, and Clarke cried out loudly.   
Lexa fought to stay under control, Clarke's sweetness threatening to unravel her. The torment was wonderful in a way, especially as she gazed upon her slaves reddened face and breathed in the gasps that tumbled from her lips. As she sank all the way into her Lexa bit her own lip, needing to cling to the metal cross for support.   
She only lasted a few more minutes inside Clarke before she had to stop, struggling to catch her breath as she pulled up her pants. This was going to be a lesson for both of them.   
Clarke was limp and pliant as Lexa set the cross upright again. Lexa set to exploring her body, willing her canines to stay where they were, but daring them to come out and play as she bit the underside of Clarke's breasts. She gave each one a light slap before fixing her mouth over a hard nipple. Clarke closed her eyes and disappeared into the pleasure, moaning as Lexa fastened a shiny silver clamp over the nipple she'd just been working. She repeated the process, then pulled on them, and Clarke hissed as pain and desire filled her at the same time.   
"Quiet." Lexa squeezed her sides, nipping at her pulse point before running her teeth over Clarke's throat. Clarke twitched, but didn't make a sound.   
Lexa let her go, picking up a black leather riding crop from her selection of tools, and Clarke gaped for a moment. She could feel it in her own hands, and see the marks she'd left on Blake.   
Lexa completely erased that memory however, as she brought it down against the inside of her arm.   
Clarke cursed, the pain like the prick of a needle, sharp and insistent. It only served to make her chest feel tighter, the clamps flooding her with warmth in the face of Lexa's swing. Her master hit her again, this time on the inside of her thigh and she jumped, straining against her chains.   
"You are earning yourself more punishment." Lexa said as she whacked her several more times. Pausing for a moment she slid the crop between Clarke's legs, and her slaves face was crimson as if came away shiny and wet.   
Hanging her head Clarke flinched as Lexa delivered a few more blows, doing her best to stay silent. Lexa kissed the welts that were starting to rise all over her body, layering another element over the agony.   
Placing the riding crop under Clarke's chin Lexa lifted it up. For the first time in a long time goosebumps rippled across her body, and she took a deep breath as she felt her own heart beat. Hours between beats had been cut to minutes. Running didn't even do that for her anymore.   
Letting the crop fall to the floor Lexa held Clarke's gaze as she put her hand around her throat, using the other to toy with her pussy, readying her for penetration. This time around Lexa was reckless, squeezing her throat hard as she filled her.   
"Uh-" Clarke made a single sound before her vocal chords cut out. The pressure of the strap-on shot through her body, mingling with the aching of the clamps at her chest and the bruises under her skin.   
Lexa breathed Clarke in, choking her with all the restraint she could muster under the circumstances. Her vision blurred, flashing red as Clarke's carotid artery throbbed in her hand. Using all her will she let go to grip the cross again, and the metal bent under her fingertips as she tried not to succumb to the chaos in her brain and in her body.   
"Damnit." Lexa whispered against Clarke's lips as she brought her all the way down to the hilt. Clarke gasped for air, but Lexa kissed her hard anyway, stealing what little she could get. Clarke bit her masters lip in response, and Lexa growled as she rocked her slave back and forth, fucking her deeply. They were both at their respective limits, toeing two separate edges with two eerily similar outcomes.   
Lexa removed Clarke's clamps swiftly, not trusting her hands, and the ensuing rush was too much for her slave. Clarke's wetness trickled down her stomach as the girl came, bursting forward from the cross only to be pressed back into it.  
Lexa trembled as she rode it out, taking all her probate had. Clarke felt her world explode, the remnants of her life floating down around her, brightly colored and popping like confetti.   
"...are you alright?" Lexa's voice was raspy and barely human as she pulled out of her slave slowly.   
"...yeah..." Clarke whispered, still floating. Lexa took a step back to compose herself, running a hand through her hair. It was too late to go back now though, she needed more.   
"Your punishment isn't over." She announced when she was steady enough to undo Clarke's restraints.   
Her slave fell into her arms, totally sapped of strength.  
"I'll die." Clarke murmured as Lexa kissed her cheeks and then her forehead.   
"We'll see won't we?" Lexa smiled then, but Clarke was too fucked up to notice the sharpness in her humor.  
Picking her up again Lexa brought her over to the bed, laying her down gently. She lit a few candles that were sprawled by the side of the bed, then pulled a silk tie from her pile of equipment.   
"Ready?" Lexa asked, straddling her.   
"I guess..." Clarke answered breathlessly as Lexa slid the tie behind her head, then fastened it over her eyes.  
"Do you trust me?" Lexa murmured against her lips as she kissed them and Clarke nodded, enraptured with the feeling of Lexa's body over hers. It soon went away however as Lexa leaned over to retrieve another instrument, this time a stiff brush with a black leather handle. Careful to avoid the spots she'd already abused she ran the brush over Clarke's skin in firm, even strokes.   
Now it was Lexa's turn to inhale sharply, surrounded as she was by the ultimate temptation. She kissed Clarke's abraded skin, her head swimming when she got too close to a bruise. She was glad her probate couldn't see her, as she was sure her eyes were wild and discolored by now.   
Shifting down she worked Clarke's lower body, kissing her wantonly as it got harder to breathe. When it became too much to bear she sat up, surveying her slave. Clarke shook silently, overwhelmed by all the sensory play. Lexa wasn't done yet though, putting down the brush in exchange for a small clear bottle.   
"Oh..." Clarke made a small sound as she poured a little of its contents onto her. The oil was cold against Clarke's worried skin, but it started to warm as her master worked it in. Lexa meanwhile tried not to groan aloud at the terrible perfection of Clarke in her hands.   
When Lexa was ready she wiped her hands clean on a small black towel, and then picked up a candle. Holding Clarke down she poured a rivulet down the center of her chest. Clarke's mouth fell open as the hot wax sealed her up her skin, burning briefly before turning into the most pleasant heat.   
Lexa poured out another strip, this time curving it around the base of Clarke's breasts, and her slave didn't move.   
"Good..." Lexa breathed, circling her navel with wax, then dripping some over her ribs. Clarke was breathing hard, and Lexa watched her muscles contract and release with a desperate hunger. Her mouth started to water but she shook it off, dripping the last of the wax straight down Clarke's stomach.   
Her slave buzzed down to the tips of her toes, but stayed as still as she could, and Lexa decided to go forward.  
She didn't do it often, and she was usually far more removed from her probates than this, but she had reached the point of abandon with Clarke.   
Sliding her knife from her back pocket Lexa flipped it open, regarding the vanishingly sharp blade in the candle light. She was so close to the precipice now that time had slowed down, every inch of Clarke's body sharply outlined in her predatory state.   
"Hands behind your head." She commanded and Clarke obeyed. "Don't move."   
Clarke took shallow breaths as she felt something thin and sharp pressing against her skin. Adrenaline pumped through her, and she gritted her teeth as Lexa scraped the wax away.   
With supernatural accuracy Lexa removed each design, knowing a single slip up would mean death for the girl she'd come to like very much, very quickly. It was the ultimate game of chicken.   
"Very good." Lexa declared once she was finished, with nary a scratch on Clarke. With close to a happy expression she put down the knife and picked up the towel. Moving in small circles she cleaned up the excess wax, enjoying Clarke's twitching as the rough cloth excited her ultra sensitive skin.   
"Turn over." She demanded and Clarke did so, the satin sheets a total 180 against her abrasions after the towel. Lexa didn't hesitate to spread her legs and enter once more, sliding in easily this time. Clarke gripped the sheets, fucking Lexa back as she was reduced to just her throbbing desire. Lexa picked her up by her hips. She pulled all the way out and slammed back in, her fingertips digging into Clarke's bruises, the scent of the blood pooled beneath the skin nearly driving her off the edge.   
It shouldn't have been possible, that anyone could make her feel this way, but Lexa was alive as she fucked her deliberately. Leaning into her she hammered her down until Clarke was flat on her belly, crying out as the sheets pressed into her skin.   
Biting the back of Clarke's neck Lexa forced herself to slow down, wanting to savor every second of it. Holding Clarke down she slid out a few inches, then dropped back into her, enchanted by the way their skin met. Slick with Clarke's wetness she manipulated her around the strap-on, making her take it this way and that way.   
Clarke cried while her body betrayed her, coming with each purposeful stroke from her master. Eventually she went silent as Lexa picked up the pace, jolts of pain and streaks of pleasure mingling with her absolute surrender.  
They both fell into rhythm at the same time, the cruel time signature ripping them apart. Lexa lay on her back afterwards, panting hard, while Clarke stayed just where her master left her, wordless sighs escaping from her swollen lips.   
Eventually Lexa got to her feet, just long enough to peel off the rest of her clothing before curling up beside her lover.   
“…you’ll be dismissed in the morning.” Lexa announced sleepily, her words muffled by Clarke’s skin as she kissed the agents shoulder blade.   
“Mmm.” Clarke muttered an unintelligible response, perfectly content to black out for a while, but a niggling self-alarm of sorts started to ring in her head. Exhaling, she struggled to pick her head up off the pillow.   
“I have to…text Ethan.” She murmured and now it was Lexa’s turn to sigh. Her master ran a thumb over the lines of her cheeks, then kissed her nose before nodding.  
“You may.”   
Clarke was loathe to actually follow through with it, and it took her a long time to stir. She got up in stages, first draping herself across Lexa, who kissed her with a smile that nearly stopped her heart, then she sat up, running her hands over Lexa’s fully exposed body. When her master leaned into her touch Clarke sucked in a breath, the shock of it giving her just enough strength to finally leave their bed. Tip toeing past Lexa’s clothes and all the tools she couldn’t look at lest her body start burning again Clarke found her way to her cell phone.  
It was blissfully empty, devoid of messages from either the office or her partner and she bit down on a grin as she pulled up Bellamy’s contact. His sour face showed up in a little bubble, hovering over his number, and she texted at warp speed.  
“Hey  
Won’t be dismissed till morning.   
See you then. Good luck!”   
She hit send and immediately tossed the device back into her pile of things, turning herself away from any follow-up. The grin that she held back while she was texting Blake was set free as turned back toward Lexa. Entranced, Clarke didn’t recognize the perils of the path before her. Much less careful this time, she stepped forward and felt the tell tale pinch of a blade finding purchase in skin.   
“Ow!” Clarke whispered it, tried not to be too dramatic as she lifted the sole of her foot to find it opened up by Lexa’s knife. Embarassed, she wondered what to do for a moment until her gaze met Lexa’s. The lawyer sat up and stock still, her back completely straight, her eyes wild and swirling. A deep-seated fear took hold of Clarke then, who didn’t know who she was looking at any longer.  
“L-Lexa?” She tried, hoping to snap her out of it, but it was much too late as the smell of iron and salt filled the room. In a blur of motion Lexa leapt from the bed, her hands wrapping themselves around Clarke’s neck, her own teeth sinking into her lip.  
“Please-..don’t do th-“ Clarke attempted to get the words out but she was arguing with a creature devoid of thought or reason. The last thing the agent saw before the darkness swimming at the edges of her vision took over completely was her master’s feral expression, branding her mind in searing pain. 

\------/------/------/------/------/------/

tbc  
thank you for reading!


	7. lest we forget

The Monster Within

Chapter 7: [lest we forget]

Clarke came to on the floor of the room she’d shared with Lexa what felt like a lifetime ago. Declan hovered over her, silent and scary, but he was low on her list of priorities at that moment. Her throat was incredibly sore and as she reached for it it throbbed fiercely. Each breath in hurt, her airway constricting like it would much rather refuse the valuable oxygen. Struggling not to gasp for air she forced herself up onto her knees with shaking arms.

“It’s time for you to leave.” Declan pointed out passionlessly and Clarke nodded, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. The memories of last night came rushing back alongside the pain and it took every ounce of her strength to stand up and get dressed. To his credit Declan kept his eyes on the door until she was decent, then took Clarke by the arm and led her out of the dungeons and back up the stairs to the lobby.

What in reality must’ve been a short walk seemed to stretch on and on as Clarke’s mind spun. She didn’t have time to rationalize, only to try to think of something to tell her partner, anything but the truth. Lexa had attacked her, and might’ve just left her for dead.

The thought stole what little breath she had, threatening to make her hyperventilate, but she batted it back; back into the deep corners of her memories where she kept so many of her past missions. If she could just smile, and pretend everything was alright, then it would be like nothing happened.

She let go of her throat as they reached the top landing, reaching to straighten her clothes and push her hair behind her ears. Despite her best efforts Blake’s eyes widened when he saw her, his mouth falling open slightly.

“See you guys next week!” Sam was chipper as she waved them off and Clarke tried her best to look normal.

“Hell of a night.” Clarke announced as they left, her voice a ghost of its former self.

“That right? Can’t wait to hear all about it.” Blake responded in a way that suggested she didn’t have much of a choice, opening the passenger door of their SUV for her.

“I don’t really want to talk about it...” Clarke answered truthfully, apologetically, and his mouth formed a straight line while his knuckles flexed over the steering wheel. He started to say something and then stopped, taking a few tries before finding the right words.

“I thought we were in this together Griffin. I thought we were partners.” He replied quietly as Clarke leaned her head against the window, blankly watching the trees pass by.

“...not now Bellamy.” Her answer was barely audible though Blake got the message. Hurt settled into the lines on his face, but he didn’t say another word for the rest of the drive home.

———//////———//////———//////———//////

“I’m gunna get some rack.” Clarke announced as soon as they got through the front door and if it was possible Blake’s lips got even thinner.

“Griffin, wait-“ He stepped towards her and Clarke subtly moved out of reach.

“What is it Blake? I’m really tired.” She didn’t meet his gaze and he made a frustrated sound.

“Clarke, are you fucking okay? I just...i care about you alright?” He growled and Clarke forced a smile.

“Thanks Blake. I’m fine, really. Just need some sleep.” She lied and he ran both his hands through his hair in response, messing it up entirely as he transferred all his anger to it.

“Alright. Go to bed. We’ll talk when you get up.” He said sternly and now it was Clarke’s turn to sigh.

“I told you, everything’s fine. I don’t need to talk.” She muttered.

“Whatever. Suit yourself.” He bit out, spinning away from her and out onto the back porch where he promptly lit a cigarette. Clarke watched him for a moment, then ran for the room they’d been sharing. Throwing all her things into a duffel bag she promptly relocated herself to the guest room, where she locked herself in before falling face down onto the bed. The tears came hot and fast, and she tried to bury them in a pillow, but the memory of Lexa lunging at her was nowhere near as easily put down. For a moment she considering drowning her feelings and herself with the one substance she knew she could count on, but eventually settled for crying herself to sleep instead. It was a pattern that would repeat over and over.

Days later Clarke lay on the couch, watching the rain pelt the French doors. It was pitch dark in Rockland, just far enough from the skyscrapers and lights of the city. She was grateful for the cloak as she shivered in the waning night. 

Her foot didn't hurt anymore, or at least she couldn't feel it. She could feel the ache of the bruises on her neck though, and the sting of her abrasions. She was sore, but wanted Lexa again. 

Her masters eyes flickered through her mind in quick succession, a flip book of beauty and intimidation. They were light when Lexa teased her, and flat green when she was irritated. They were dark and wild while she fucked Clarke, but then they were swirling and fearsome. Clarke’s stomach turned as she remembered the way her master had looked at her. Like she wanted to kill her.

Clarke had seen that look before, in the pockmarked face of Gene Murphy, and the tattooed visage of a gang member on his 3rd strike. They wanted her life, and would have taken it. 

Fear gripped her, and she sat up, trying to escape it. Had Lexa lost control with the others as well? Had she taken four lives? Clarke wondered if she should’ve been the fifth, and the thought sent her spiraling. 

Getting to her feet she snatched a cigarette from one of her partners wayward packs and paced across the living room. The thought was there, big and bold, but she refused to touch it. 

The case. She had to solve the case. Even if Lexa wasn't just a suspect, even if she was the psychopath. 

But Clarke had no idea how she could do it, when she was covered in her, every movement a reminder, every breath full of yearning. Sinking to the floor her eyes burned, the room expanding as water filled her vision. 

It already hurt. Her body brimmed with panic, and she choked down sobs as it became even clearer that she would be cut off soon. 

There was a monster inside her, but she couldn't tell who it was. 

She stayed there until the sky turned red, then walked barefoot out onto the patio.

The trees were as green as they were the day they arrived in Rockland. The suburbs were still serene, the neighbors friendly but distant. 

Her loyalties had shifted, but it seemed a natural evolution. Like seed to sapling, she'd twisted upwards in search of the sun. Lexa radiated what she needed. 

Holding onto a railing she turned her face upwards. Reality menaced her, it's sharp edges shredding the fantasy she'd built. Even in the face of it she remained weak. 

Only a few of her thoughts were clear through the carnage, but, again, the ones that stood out were as hot knives, unfit for human contact. 

Turning, she walked back into the house, splashing cold water on her face from the kitchen sink. 

She let it drip off, trying to remember who she was. 

“Griffin...?” Blake appeared then, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and Clarke tried to get it together. They hadn’t really spoken since Thursday, and now she felt awful about it.

“I’m sorry Bellamy...” She whispered, keeping her back to him as her shoulders started to quiver.

“It’s okay, trust me I get it.” He put his arms around her.

“...thanks.” She managed and he held her for a few moments, as long as she would let him.

“...so you’re alright? Mentally? ...physically?” He asked her, his lips right by her ear and Clarke nodded, finally pulling away.

“I’ll be okay.”

“Good. How do you feel about some breakfast?” He suggested and Clarke nodded vigorously.

“Yeah, good idea.” She replied, though she was far from hungry.

They got their usual order at the usual spot and Blake dove right in while Clarke pushed her waffles around.

“I think we should do something. Just for us you know? That’s got nothing to do with the case.” Blake declared, his voice muffled by a huge bite of toast. Clarke looked up.

“Like what?” She asked.

“There’s this really cushy country club on the edge of town. Why don’t we head down and play a couple holes of golf? Maybe get a nice lunch or whatever?” He suggested hopefully and Clarke nodded, plastering another smile on.

“That sounds good.” She replied. He looked pleased, then waved his fork at one of her sausages.

“You gunna eat that?” He asked and she shook her head, giving him the barest outline of a real smile.

“Have at it. I’m done.”

After breakfast they hit home to change and Clarke grabbed a few necessaries.

“Mind if we stop at the Wine Cellar?” She asked him on the way out and he gave her a thumbs up, sliding a more expensive than usual pair of sunglasses on.

“Not at all.” He replied.

That afternoon she squinted at her partner through her own pair of Ray-Bans. 

"Look alive Caroline!" Blake put a hurting on a ball, driving it nearly two hundred yards as they trooped around the Unicorn Golf Course and Country Club, decked out in their yuppie finest. 

"I am so alive right now Ethan." She replied, punctuating her words with a swig from a flask she’d filled with the Wine Cellar’s finest house brand vodka. He quirked a brow at her but continued on, freeing a 9 iron from her bag and holding it out to her. 

"Good. Show me what you got."

Taking the club she tried to focus on her form but quickly gave it up in favor of hitting the tee’d up ball as hard as she possibly could. It went flying, and Blake let loose a low whistle as he watched it go.

“Not bad wifey, not bad at all.” He declared and though she knew it was playful Clarke cringed a bit inside. The alcohol was already working to warp things, to distort the everyday and transport her to some other world. It had the desired effect though, as she wanted to be anywhere else after last week.

“Hey let’s see if you can bogey this one.” Blake excitedly took off toward hole 10 while Clarke brought up the rear.

“Who cares? You’re gunna win anyway.” She griped, having a sudden change of heart, and his brows furrowed hard in response.

“Since when are you a quitter?”

“Since we started this mission!” Clarke replied in a little too loud of a voice and Blake looked around furtively before leaning toward her and taking her arm.

“Wanna ix-nay the blowing-our-cover-ay?” He hissed and she just shrugged. Blake sighed.

“You know, you’re going to have to tell me eventually.” He said, pulling out her chipper and exchanging it for the 9 iron, which he had to yank out of her grasp.

“There’s nothing to tell.” Clarke insisted, moving to square up her shot.

“Uh huh. And now you’re gunna tell me little miss first-in-class all of a sudden isn’t wildly competitive anymore right? Just like that.”

“I never liked golf anyway.” Clarke said under her breath as she sank the shot.

“And yet, you always try to beat me...” Blake pointed out, walking backward towards the next hole so he could stare at his partner.

“That’s because it’s easy. You suck.” Clarke countered and he grinned.

“Now that’s more like it, Caroline.”

Clarke heaved a deep sigh, then took an even deeper swig from her flask that set her throat on fire. For a moment she panicked, remembering the feeling of the morning after Lexa’s attack, but the alcohol quickly dispersed it.

“Loser pays for dinner?” She entreated Blake afterward and he took her up on the bet.

“And drinks.” He added, whacking another ball into the blue sky.

“Should I get the tomahawk or the t-bone?” Blake mused aloud as they sat in the restaraunt attached to the country club an hour later. He’d handily won, but Clarke couldn’t bring herself to care.

“Whatever you want, _honey_.” She replied and he rolled his eyes.

“You know, it’s no fun when you’re a sore loser.” He chided her.

“I’m not. I’ll happily pay for drinks.” Clarke replied, downing a glass of wine. Blake put down his menu in response.

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked again and Clarke reminded herself that she had to be at least somewhat normal, even if it felt like she was dying on the inside.

“Yeah, just, you know—work.” She replied truthfully and he gave her a sympathetic look.

“We can talk about it later...if you want to.” He promised and Clarke made an effort to switch to water, not wanting to worry him.

“The tomahawk looks really good honestly.” She declared when he went back to eyeballing the menu and that seemed to satisfy him. They kept it light and easy for the rest of dinner. Clarke tried to eat her salmon like a regular person despite the lead in her gut.

Even after everything, still she desperately felt the need for Lexa. She’d always wondered about the women who wrote serial killers in prison, the ones who married them, and yet here she was, in love with a murderer.

The thought made her heart clench up like a fist. She had to work to keep her hand from going up to her throat, and to keep her expression neutral.

“Thanks for dinner.” Blake rubbed her shoulder as they headed back to the car and she replied with an absent-minded,

“No problem.”

When they got home her partner rolled and lit a fat joint that Clarke gratefully puffed on, trying her best to disappear. They sat outside smoking while the sun got low in the sky. Eventually Blake met her gaze, giving her a roguish grin.

“...are you buzzed already or do you want to get some real drinks?” He asked.

“I’m so down.” Clarke replied, thinking that she hadn’t had nearly enough to reach the bliss of blackout.

“I’ll grab an Uber.” He whipped out his phone but Clarke stopped him.

“Let’s walk. It’s nice out.”

“Sure.” Blake shrugged, more than content to hoof it the few blocks to the Howl. Finishing off his joint he got to his feet, then helped his partner to hers.

On their walk Clarke looked up at the sky, noting the stripe of emerald green wrapping around the buildings in the blend of sunset. She shook her head to clear it of the thoughts that followed, picking up the pace.

“You afraid they’re gonna run out of Don Julio or something?” Blake joked, catching up with her and Clarke did her best to get half a smile on.

“Last one in gets the first round.” Bellamy doubled down on the speed element and Clarke played along, slipping into the bar just before he could duck in.

“Looks like that’s you!” She pointed out in a half-shout as the place was packed. Bodies pressed in from all sides, forcing the agents to choose their words carefully while they bellied up to the bar. The first round disappeared and then a second before Blake managed to get them into a booth in the back, where there were a lot less ears to hear.

“Can I get you guys anything else?” A waitress with dark hair, red streaks, and some seriously smoky eyes inquired as she put down their margaritas. Happily inebriated Clarke shook her head but Blake stepped in.

“Tell you what,” He leaned forward to read her nametag. “Ashleigh, how about you bring us a couple of Yuengling’s and maybe your phone number.” Blake asked and she gave him a look.

“Are you guys like swingers or something?” She giggled nervously and Clarke narrowly avoided choking on her drink.

“That depends. Just how much fun are you looking to have?” He replied smoothly and Clarke kicked him from underneath the table.

“Haha. I’ll get those beers right up.” Ashleigh’s voice went up a few octaves as she disappeared back into the throng and Clarke shot her partner a look.

“There’s not enough alcohol on the planet.” She announced and was surprised when Blake’s face fell in response.

“Come on Griffin I was just messing around. But I get it, you’re sensitive right now-“ He began and Clarke felt her blood start pumping hard, but managed not to explode at him.

“I’m just-not in the place...”

“I know, I know.” Blake replied hastily. “I’m sorry.” He added and she took a few deep breaths in and out.

“Okay.” She said after a minute and Blake took a long haul of his sugary alcohol concoction.

“You gotta admit she’s cute though.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and she signed.

“You’re not wrong.” She conceded, but saying the words made her stomach turn and her mouth go dry. In fact, she felt quite sick in that moment. To her horror she felt her eyes begin to sting and her cheeks start to shake.

“Can I bum a smoke?” She asked querulously and Blake simply held open his pack, then slid a lighter over to her from across the table.

“I’ll join you in a minute.” He promised and she managed an unsteady “thanks” before taking off for the back patio as fast as she could. The bar wasn’t swimming in circles in her vision yet, but it was close.

Bursting out the back door and into the cool air she took great gulps of it before lighting the Marb Red 100 and undoing all the work she’d just done. For a moment she thought of her mother, chastising all the parishioners who smoked, and then remembered that if her mother knew the half of it the cigarettes would be the very last thing on her mind.

“You’re so stupid Clarke.” She whispered to herself miserably, flattening her palms over her eyes as the smoke enveloped her.

She stayed that way for awhile, and when she looked up again she found that Blake had made it. He leaned against the railing beside her, looking out at the road after he stole his lighter back from her pocket and sparked one.

“...I really don’t know if I’ll ever do deep cover again...after this...” He announced quietly and Clarke wanted to agree with him, but even more than that she wanted to be back at the Sign, far away from the agency.

“...wanna get out of here?” He asked when they were finished and all Clarke could do was nod.

Blake did get Ashleigh’s number on the way out but he seemed to have lost his enthusiasm for the chase. Clarke let him get an Uber for the way home, as things were finally starting to spin after all the alcohol and weed.

“Have a good night man.” Blake waved off the driver once they arrived, and they’d just made it past the front door when Clarke began to cry again.

“Come on, out with it Griffin.” Her partner said firmly, steering her over to the couch so he could look at her.

“I’m just...so messed up Blake-“ She hiccuped.

“Tell me something,” He began, tilting her chin up. “When was the last time you popped a perc?” He asked her earnestly and Clarke’s mouth fell open.

“What-“ She felt panic start to set in but he held her face tightly.

“You think you can keep secrets from me?” He said it in a gentle tone but it still cut her to the core. Shame, dread, fear. All of it bulldozed her and she sobbed, wanting to just fall into a hole in the ground, never to be seen again.

“You know I don’t care Griffin, we all have our problems. But, it looks like you beat it. If you can beat that, you can beat anything. How many agents do we know that have gone down for less?” He stroked her face, to which Clarke was still too shocked to pull away. “What I’m trying to say is...don’t let this mission bring you down. You’re too good for that.” He insisted.

Clarke finally met his gaze, and he used that moment to lean forward. She should’ve known what was happening, but didn’t put two and two together until Blake’s lips made contact with hers.

“Bellamy!” She snapped away from him like he was on fire and Blake looked equal parts contrite and disappointed as he put his hands on knees.

“Right. You’re my partner. My bad.” He rasped and Clarke’s eyes widened to see that his were wet as he slowly got to his feet.

Wordlessly he strode straight for the back doors, opening them and sliding out into the night like a ghost.

Part of her wanted to follow him, but the stronger part wanted to clench a pillow to her chest and lay there for a while. It felt like an inevitability, just part and parcel of working so closely with someone for so many years, but she also couldn’t shake the look on his face from her mind. Her stomach turned again and she let go of the pillow to stumble into her room. For a few minutes she just stared at the window, wobbly as it was to her in that moment, but eventually she slunk to the floor, toward her duffel bag. Dragging it into her lap she watched her own tears fall, vanishing into the thick fabric when they landed. Thud, thud, thud. Each drop was heavy, and the sound of her sniffling scraped against her ears. She unzipped it.

Rummaging around for far too long with the motor skills of a wasted person she eventually came up with what her brain had only semi-consciously been looking for. The slim orange bottle.

On the front it read “Griffith, Clark.” An alias of sorts. The Maricopa County Pain Management Center didn’t ask her too many questions. A lingering back injury? Sure, here you go. Rolled an ankle on the job? Of course you’ll need more. The only thing they cared about was the cold, hard cash that Clarke paid in.

Crawling back into bed she held it in both hands, but she didn’t try to open it.

Before she could think about it too much a deep sleep came for her, aided and abetted by the clear and dark spirits she’d mixed all day.

Clarke woke up in the Good Tidings Baptist Church. Her 9 year old self was comforted by the big steepled roof over them as always, and all the posters that told her how much she was loved. She was wearing her favorite dress. It was yellow, with puffy sleeves, and made her feel like a princess. All she needed was a tiara, but her mom wouldn’t let her have one for some reason. Briefly, she wondered what her mother’s sermon would be about that day, but then turned her attention back to the task before her.

“Here you are sweetheart.” An older woman handed her a five dollar bill and she was delighted. She wanted to bring up the most money to Pastor David out of all the kids.

“Okay, gather ‘round children.” He sat cross-legged on the floor with a big toothy grin after collecting all their offerings.

“For today’s Kid’s Story we’re gunna learn all about that big stone block that God sent down to Moses so he could help everyone know what was right. Does anybody know what I’m talking about?” He asked and a boy named Eli raised his hand.

“The Ten Tommandments?!” He answered and little Clarke nodded sagely. She knew all about those.

“Almost Eli! The Ten _Commandments_ are the laws handed down to us from the Almighty himself. To make it easy for us you see?”

“Yes Pastor David!” The kids chorused and his smile got even wider.

“I’m sure you kids already know but let’s go over just a few of them. Let’s say you go to your best friends house, and he, or she, has this amazing toy you’ve always wanted. What would you kids do? Would you just go right up and take it?”

“No Pastor David!”

“That’s right. Thou shalt not steal. It’s very simple. And we all know the most important one of all don’t we?”

A sea of tiny heads nodded while the pianist played a light, innocent tune.

“God made us all in His image, and every one of us is very important to Him. So no matter what anybody tells you, _thou shalt not kill_...”

His voice echoed in Clarke’s head, ringing and crashing around in her skull.

“ _Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not kill...”_

“No!” Clarke jerked awake in her room in Rockland, sweating buckets while her head pounded something awful.

The sun was out, pouring in through the windows, and it made her feel sicker. Her eyes reacted harshly, squinting nearly closed. The strain caused her head and neck to get even tighter, the painful tension sending her into the fetal position as she clutched at her skull.

For the first time in a long time Clarke felt that she was going to throw up, and hard. Turning over, she was attempting to steady her roiling stomach when something rolled into her side. Struggling to see out of the one eye that was partially open she regarded the bottle she fished out from underneath her ribs. Her painkillers stared back at her.

This time she did pry open the cap, fumbling with the child safe lock in her shaking hands until it popped open. Downing two pills dry it was all she could do to close the bottle back up and toss it on the night stand.

———//////———//////———//////———//////

“...morning.” Blake greeted her hesitantly, walking into the kitchen a few hours later. Clarke sat at the table, deep in her work computer with a pencil between her teeth, though she didn’t chomp on it like her partner usually did.

“Morning!” She chirped, not looking away from the computer screen. A notebook lay open in front of her, full of scribbles and hand drawn lines, connecting thoughts and tangents like the strings on a board.

“Listen, about last night...” He started, using the fridge door as a shield while he leaned in to grab some water.

“It’s all good Blake. We both had a little too much.” She replied and he released a breath.

“Okay. Cool.” He said gratefully, then stalked over to watch from over her shoulder.

“Are you...working?” He asked, sounding incredulous, and it was then that she turned to glare at him.

“Watch it mister.” She threatened, freeing the pencil from between her lips. Blake put his hands up in a “don’t hurt me” gesture, then quirked an eyebrow.

“How are you not hungover?” He asked, chugging three quarters of a water bottle all at once.

“Well, I was. This morning was pretty gross...” She replied, grimacing, and that part was indeed true. Blake took her word for it, checking out her notebook.

“Got anything good?” He asked and she sighed.

“No. Perry hasn’t gotten us an update on Kane yet and the rest of this seems pretty run of the mill.”

Blake sucked his teeth in response.

“We have to put something together or the Chief’s gunna think we’re just dicking around out here.”

“I know. I think we should go back to Tech Junkies and work from there. The info on our tablets is really outdated.” Clarke pointed out and he was in staunch agreement.

“Most of the maps are dead wrong.” He added, finishing off the water and crunching the plastic bottle into a barely recognizable shape between his hands.

“...you really think Finn had something to do with his kids disappearance?” Clarke asked after a minute.

“Who knows.” He answered after a bit and she went back to throwing herself into her work.

“Want a smoke?” He waved one at her on his way to the back porch and she shook her head, focused. She was back to being invincible. The twitch was gone, replaced by the tell-tale tingling in her fingers and toes. No one could stop her now. Not until the crash anyway, but she didn’t want to think about that.

It was nice to be back in loving arms. Since she couldn’t have Lexa, it was easily the next best thing. Blake didn’t have to know, not this time. She’d make sure of it.

“Let’s rock and roll.” Said partner reappeared a little while later, followed by a cloud of weed smoke but dressed and otherwise ready to go.

“Alright, gimme a second just let me log off.” Clarke shut her laptop down and grabbed her purse and they were on their way.

“Wanna drive?” She asked Blake, just in case, and he happily took the keys.

“Wait, let’s take the Audi.” He ran back inside for a moment to exchange the SUV keys for the sedan and Clarke just waited impatiently.

“You good?” She asked him as he climbed into the drivers seat, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

“I’m golden.” He answered once they were out of the driveway, shifting into high gear and squealing out of their neighborhood.

Unfortunately for the agents they weren’t penciled in this time around at the tech repair shop and Blake and Clarke were relegated to the lobby when they got there. While the minutes passed Clarke took in all the refurbished gadgets. Everything glowed with that familiar haze and for a moment she felt alright.

“Hey, everything okay with those tablets?” Raven asked breathlessly, approaching Clarke with her hands stuffed in her back pockets.

“Oh yes, they work fine-“ Clarke began and Raven’s face took on a confused expression.

“Then what’s the problem?” She inquired just as Blake materialized beside Clarke.

“Any way we could talk to you, you know, in private?” He asked her in a stern voice and she gave them a look, chewing on her lip.

“I’m really super busy today...”

“We won’t be long, promise.” Clarke tried for honey alongside Blake’s vinegar and Raven pinched the bridge of her nose in an annoyed fashion but waved the other hand.

“Alright, just for a few minutes then. Follow me.”

Closing the office door behind the FBI agents Raven dropped into her seat behind the desk and put her headphones around her neck, holding onto them tightly.

“Soo...what’s up?” She asked after a minute and Clarke jumped in before Blake could.

“The tablets have been really helpful, trust me, but is there any other information we’d be able to get access to regarding the club? Clarke asked and Raven shrugged.

“Not really. That’s all I have so I don’t really know what you want me to do.”

Ravens eyes narrowed as she continued,

“All the info I get is from my sources. Obviously I’m not a member so what I have to go on is what they tell me.”

“Who are your sources?” Blake demanded and she sighed again.

“Why don’t you ask your boss?” She answered a bit testily and Clarke could tell the meeting was going to go south fast if she didn’t get it under control.

“Chief Harris did say you’d be our main contact here in Rockland.” Clarke supplied.

“Yeah, well he also told me you’re on a need to know basis, and you don’t _need_ to know who my sources are.”

“Says who?” Blake barked, standing up from his chair but Raven wasn’t threatened.

“Says me. And I have work to do, so I think we’re done here.” The girl replied with an air of finality and Clarke had no choice but to get up as well.

“Will you just keep us posted if you come across anything new? Please?” Clarke tried. Raven nodded curtly, then put her headphones on and ignored them while they took their exit.

“Thanks for choosing Tech Junkies.” Margeaux called out without looking up from her phone as the agents departed.

Blake’s face was dark when they got back into the 5-speed, his expression belying the rage that bubbled just underneath the surface.

“She knows something.” He bit out and Clarke looked at him.

“Sure you’re not saying that because she wouldn’t cooperate with you? And by the way, maybe don’t jump down the informant’s throat next time.” She scolded.

“Nobody reacts like that unless they’ve got something to hide.” He was insistent but Clarke didn’t feel like arguing with him. Her head was starting to hurt again and she just wanted to lay down.

“That was a total waste of time.” Blake continued to gripe when they got back home so Clarke sucked it up and rebooted her laptop, continuing to work. That meant being forced to see “Woods, L” on her list of persons of interest whenever she clicked through to it, and her heart jumped every time.

“This case blows.” Blake announced abruptly at some point while they worked, throwing his pen up at the ceiling with force and then just watching it fall back down.

Clarke kept her head down, trying to ignore him, but he kept spinning around in his computer chair.

“I swear I’d rather be back on pedo detail.” He said and Clarke pursed her lips in response.

“No way.” She replied quietly. Blake stopped bitching for a moment then.

“At least we get leads with those guys.” He said, almost apologetically.

“It’s only been a little over a month Blake. When have we ever solved a case this fast? Remember how long the Smith case took?” She asked him, surprisingly rational.

“Yeah you’re right. I just feel...stuck.” He admitted and Clarke sympathized. A little voice in her head told her to tell him, to spill the beans about the woman that had attacked her, the one that looked like Lexa, but couldn’t possibly have been the same person. Fighting the urge she took an aggressive sip of the beer she was nursing.

“How is it...with Finn I mean?” She asked hesitantly, leaning back in her chair. Blake sucked in a breath.

“It’s...it just doesn’t feel right you know?” He answered just as quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“...I don’t know how to explain it.” Blake took a long gulp as well, polishing off the bottle. He got up to grab another and instinctively grabbed two, cracking them open and passing one to Clarke. They were both silent for some time, thoughtfully taking down their craft beer, before Blake spoke up again.

“He’s just this stupid kid, and he has it all. I’ve had to work so hard...for everything you know? I put my life on the line out there. For what? So I can drive a Honda in ‘real life’? I can’t even buy a house. In fucking Arizona.”

Clarke looked at him, and knowing all she did about Bellamy Blake it made perfect sense to her.

“I don’t even know who my parents are, and he gets the whole world gifted to him by his. It just...sucks. It sucks a lot. And then having to answer to someone like that? Just fucking shoot me already.”

“Hmm,” Clarke gave a noncommittal reply, letting the sleep screen take over on her computer. “We don’t really know what his life’s been like either though do we?” She added, thinking of Lexa. She wondered what could cause someone to lose it like that. Was it an accident with the others? Was she a loose cannon?

“Would you just let me complain?” He groaned, rubbing his face with both hands.

“Sorry, keep going.” She replied, walking over to muss his hair.

“Thank you.” He replied through his fingers. “I just want to find out where I’m from and drive a nice car alright? Is that too much to ask? Maybe a Ducati too.”

“Which one?” Clarke asked, the motorcycle calendar he kept in his cubicle coming to mind.

“A Monster obviously. 1200.” He replied like she wasn’t too bright but she smiled at him anyway.

“That’s not too much to ask Bellamy. Maybe after this mission we can start looking again. You know you have a sister. I’m sure we can track her down.”

“Yeah. Thanks Griffin.” He was sincere this time and Clarke squeezed his shoulder ever so briefly before heading back to her work station.

“Anytime, partner.” She said before disappearing into the data bases once more.

———//////———//////———//////———//////

The next day both agents were already staring at their laptops when Chief Harris beamed himself in from headquarters. He appeared in the top corner of Clarke’s screen and she pulled Blake over immediately, her nerves ratcheting up to 11.

“Good morning Agents Blake and Griffin.” He greeted, his words not quite lining up with his mouth as Clarke full screened him.

“Good morning Sir.” They both responded dutifully.

“What’s the latest on the case?” He got right to business, leaving them no time to get their thoughts together before putting them on the spot.

“Well, uh,” Blake began before Clarke cut him off.

“Not much has changed Sir.” She answered. It wasn’t true, but she wasn’t about to tell the Chief anything just yet.

Chief Harris’ eyebrows stitched together and a look of weary disappointment set in.

“So neither of you have anything to report?” He asked and Blake swallowed.

“Well, we have run into some communication problems with our contact down here, Raven Reyes.” Agent Bellamy supplied and Clarke had to force herself not to hit him from under the table.

“How’s that?” The Chief barked and Blake plowed ahead.

“We got...let’s say, outdated, information from her when the mission kicked off. Now she’s claiming she doesn’t have anything else for us. I don’t trust her Chief.” He said, inspiring Clarke to want to punch him all over again.

“Reyes has been working with us on this case for several years now Agent, I’m gunna need a little more than a gut feeling to go after one of our only ins to this place. We’d be hard pressed to find any one to give us even a fraction of what she has.”

“I understand that-“ He started but Chief Harris cut him off.

“I don’t think you do Blake. The first murder occurred back in 2012. We haven’t gotten anything worthwhile on the place since then. I sent you two because I firmly believe you’re capable of making progress here and bringing some justice to those families. Am I wrong?”

“No, Sir.” They replied at the same time and the Chief grilled them for a moment longer, his face flickering under the wi-fi connection.

“I need you both to focus on the club members. Any information you can glean will help the psych guys come up with evaluations and we can start matching some profiles. I want a written record of everyone you’ve interacted with so far and what they’re like. Looks, habits, demeanor. The whole nine. And I want it on my desk by the end of the month. Is that clear?”

“Crystal.” Blake muttered in response while Clarke nodded curtly, though her heart had started doing cartwheels in her chest at his words.

“Good. Hang in there. I’ll check in periodically.”

“Got it.” Clarke replied. She kept her tone brusque, hoping she looked focused as always.

“Roger that. We’ll keep working.” Blake chimed in right as the connection split up and they were left with just pieces of the Chief’s scowling face until it disconnected entirely.

“Did you really have to bring up Raven?” Clarke poked him and Blake grabbed his arm as if it’d actually hurt.

“I’m telling you she’s not being upfront with us. I’d stake my badge on it.”

“That’s fine. Let’s just keep it to ourselves next time maybe? You know Harris hates it when you go off half-cocked.”

“Duly noted.” Blake grumbled a response, relighting a joint from earlier. The acrid scent filled the room, but she took it when he passed it to her, trying to keep the climbing nausea at bay. Her brain knew it had been precisely 27 hours and her body was starting to feel it.

“Here we go again.” Clarke got back to work, as did Blake, and all was quiet save for the clicking of their keyboards and the classic rock station Blake had playing in the background.

“What’ll it be this time?” Blake glanced over his phone at her from his position splayed out on the couch hours later. Night had fallen, and the dulcet tones of Alex Trebek rolled over them both while they relaxed. Or at least, tried to.

“How do you feel about pizza?” She suggested after a minute. She’d been smoking with him all afternoon trying to stave off the inevitable withdrawal, a strategy that seemed like it might be working. The only side effect was being on their third grubhub order of the day.

“Sounds good.” Blake alternated between picking a pizza place and making faces at the contestants before them.

“The fuck kind of category is that anyway?” He asked regarding “Song Title Math” and Clarke just shrugged.

“Don’t ask me. Ask Alex.”

“He doesn’t make the categories Griffin. What do you want? Cheese?”

“Pepperoni. And a Coke.” She answered and he sighed.

“You’re SOL. They’re a Pepsi place.”

“Well fuck.” Clarke replied and they both disintegrated into giggles for a minute before she spoke up again. “Get me whatever isn’t Pepsi.”

“Banana Fanta it is.” He announced and she put forth the necessary energy to lightly shove him with her foot.

“Don’t even think about it.” She warned. He tapped his screen a few more times with a grin and Clarke narrowed her eyes as he declared,

“Alright, order’s placed. 45 minutes.”

The agents wolfed their pizza when it arrived and all was swell, with Clarke even receiving an acceptable soda, until Blake leaned back. He folded his hands behind his head and looked at his partner.

“What if we’re looking at a team? Instead of a single individual?” He posited.

“I guess that’s a possibility...” She hedged around the question, turning Jeopardy up a little bit.

“Finn and Lexa have a working relationship. He’s got two missing kids, a history of violence. What if she’s covering for him?”

“You think Finn-is violent?” Clarke met his gaze then, knowing they both could read the young millionaire fairly well.

“He’s got an assault charge.”

“Yeah, from high school.” Clarke pointed out. “If I remember right, you got in lots of fights in high school.”

“That’s not the point.” He snapped and Clarke turned the tv up a few more notches, hoping he’d drop it, but Blake would not be deterred.

“Listen I never kidnapped anyone. How do you think his girlfriend felt when she had to file those charges? And she’s still missing too.”

“Finn Collins isn’t a cold blooded killer.”

“Something happened to his family.”

“And how do we know he had anything to do with it? It’s not like we can question him. The PD didn’t have enough to charge him with anything after the fact.” Clarke replied, starting to get exasperated. She was also starting to feel sick. A very familiar sort of sickness she hadn’t felt since they’d come to Washington.

“Alright well what about Lexa? She roughs you up pretty good. How do we know she’s not the one?”

Clarke’s heart started to race both from the lack of opiates and the mention of Lexa’s name. It brought the memories of last week crashing back, contributing to her lightheadedness.

“It’s a BDSM club Blake, of course she does. That’s what people join up for isn’t it?” Now it was Clarke’s turn to snap and Blake could tell he’d hit a nerve.

“Look, I know you’re...into her or whatever but we have to be realistic here-“

“Yeah, and realistically, we have no motives and next to nothing to go on. What are you saying we do? Interrogate our sponsors? We’d be kicked out in two seconds. And then all this work will be for nothing.”

“You know I’m not saying that-“

“Excuse me.” Clarke got up abruptly, making a beeline for the upstairs bathroom. She threw up, then just kneeled there for a while, trapped in a vortex of her own self-hatred. When she did manage to get to her feet she turned the sink on high. With shaking hands she brushed her teeth and rinsed her face. As she toweled her chin dry her eyes caught on the bruises around her neck, just starting to turn green and yellow around the edges. Pushing into them with her fingertips she found that they were only a little sore by then. They were nothing like the bruises Lexa normally left, which would burn sweetly for a day or two, turning blue at best, but usually just a light shade of purple before fading away. These were angry, and black inside. Clarke felt her stomach drop and she was almost ill again.

Forcing herself to stop thinking about it she headed back downstairs. Curling up into a ball on her side by Blake it was all she could do not to whimper aloud.

“...you alright?” He asked.

“I think I just smoked too much.” She whispered in response. He sighed, reaching out to rub her back in small circles.

“You really gotta take it easy Griffin...”

———//////———//////———//////———//////

Clarke tried to follow his advice over the course of the new few days, but as Wednesday approached she found herself shorter and shorter on ease. By Monday morning she was a wreck, and Blake took notice.

“...you haven’t eaten in two days.” He pointed out gruffly while she stared into the depths of her coffee. Dark clouds had gathered outside their home, taking root in his partner as well.

“We both know it’s a federal crime to let pizza go to waste.” He added when she didn’t reply right away.

“I’m not hungry.” Clarke supplied after a little while and he dropped his chin onto his crossed arms from his position at the breakfast nook.

“Why not?” He demanded.

“...just not...” She said emptily, not looking up from the long cold mug of dark roast.

“I’ve never known you to bail on a tough case Griffin.” He put his fist down hard on the table and then she did meet his eyes. Sliding off the bench Blake walked over to her and knelt down, squeezing her thigh and trying to shake her out of it.

“You want this to ruin your whole career?” He asked seriously and she sucked in a breath.

“No.” Her answer came out weak, like her chin was at that moment, and she might’ve broken down entirely if her phone hadn’t rang. With her heart in her throat Clarke left for the living room to answer it.

“Hello, I’m looking for Caroline Forrester?”

Sam’s voice came through the other side and Clarke’s voice trembled while she answered,

“S-speaking.”

“Hi Caroline, I’m just calling to inform you that Miss Woods has decided to cancel your upcoming meeting on Wednesday. Had something come up apparently.”

“Oh. Okay.” Clarke released a long breath, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was momentary however, quickly replaced by desperation.

“She’ll still be here for this weekend’s event however. Will you and Ethan be attending as well?”

Clarke hesitated, unable to think past the roaring of her own heartbeat in her ears. Part of her wanted to just end it, to slink back to Phoenix and let the withdrawal process begin, but there was one thing she wanted more. She wanted to see Lexa again. She needed to.

“Mrs. Forrester? Are you still there?”

“Yes.” Clarke answered, her voice breathless. “And yes my husband and I will be there.”

“Great. See you guys on Saturday morning then. Take care.” Sam hung up and Clarke sank into a seat on the couch, her pulse still going a mile a minute.

“Here.” Blake handed her her mug of coffee, only he’d refilled it with hot brew and fixed it up just the way she liked it.

“Thank you.” She managed, and he looked down at her.

“Who was that?”

“Sam. Lexa canceled for Wednesday.” Clarke replied, her sponsors name catching in her throat.

“Oh. Wonder why?” Blake asked aloud, looking down at his own phone with a hopeful expression but it didn’t ring.

“There’s another event,” Clarke continued, her voice sounding robotic to her own ears. “I told her we’d be there for it.”

“So, you’re not giving up then?” His eyes lit up and she finally looked him full in the face.

“Not yet.”

“I knew you had it in you.” He replied. “Now don’t make me force feed you Griffin...” He pointed out sternly but Clarke just held onto her mug with both hands.

“Coffee is fine for now.”

He glared at her but sighed in defeat.

“Fine, let’s get to work.”

———//////———//////———//////———//////

_tbc_

_thank you for reading!_

_spent most of this week getting ready for a family vacation_

_which I will be on this week so I probably wont get to post_

_Ill try to have the next one up as soon as I can!_

_everyone stay safe out there_

_much love_

_-heldback_


End file.
